Life sucker.

It has been a month since I binged for hours. I am still having resets. I still PMO for short amounts of time. I had made it a few days and was full of energy yesterday. I felt like I could take on the world. I exercised, started reading a book, played music. I felt so good. I ended up giving into temptations and PMO'd. Twice at the end of the day and once this morning. I can't believe how groggy I feel. I have often felt like this. Probably most of my life. I went down to the local pipefitters union today to talk about starting a new trade. I look back on my working careers and I have failed at them all. I see why. With the difference from last night and today. This is the place I am used to being. Low motivation and groggy. If I would have had the energy I had yesterday all those years I would have kicked ass in school and whatever career I chose. No wonder my grades started dropping after I found PMO at age 10 or 11. No wonder I have failed at all my careers. No wonder girls never paid any attention to me. I pray to God that I can stop PMO. I could succeed at my career. Maybe find what is God calling me to and find a nice wife. I don't want to be dead like this anymore. Please God, help me