Life-long journey. Finally Getting Better

Hey NoFap Community,

I've been browsing on NoFap since about March of 2018. Finally created an account today, and really wanted to share my ideas, thoughts, and struggles.

A little bit of background to me:

I'm 23 years old, I've been masturbating for as long as I can remember, since about 6 or 7 years old (I don't even know how a kid at that age discovers that shit) but it happened to me. I started watching porn at like 11-12 and have been doing it since. I've been trying to quit since I was 13. I masturbated about 7-8 times a week for YEARS, and everytime when I finished up I felt so ashamed of myself smh. I spent my youth and teens as a shy kid, always feeling awkward, or having that feeling that you're not "good enough". It was crazy

Even though I was porn heavy, I was always the "personal development motivational kid". Loved playing ball and working out. And even played on my high school basketball team. When I went to college, that's when things started to change. I got my first gf, lost my virginity, started drinking & smoking, etc. Typical college shit. But I was still masturbating through it all, still giving me the same drained and shameful feeling every time I finished. I was still a timid kid, until the day when my gf cheated on me 2 weeks into the relationship, my sweet ass took her back but it lowkey woke the demon inside of me. I started speaking up more, being more confident in myself, started being more aggressive etc, but still was feeling the negative effects of PMO.

Fast forward to after I graduated, I was still PMOing, and after a year post-grad, I was going through depression. I had failed relationships, no career, an overthinker, stressed, got denied from so many opportunities. One thing worth noting, I had moments during college where I couldn't get hard with a girl. Super awkward and embarrassing, had me questioning myself, and I blame it directly to the PMO abuse. Like how could I be 19-21 years old and not get hard with a girl? It reached an all-time low when I had BEAUTIFUL and I mean GORGEOUS girl randomly hit me up to drive to spend the night with her at her school. That night we smoked and made out, but I couldn't get hard, and it was so embarrassing. I was so frustrated in myself, but yet, still continued to PMO.

June 2018 is when I discovered NoFap

I was totally shocked when I found this forum. There are actually people out there like me who struggle with this addiction? Wow. So July 18th, 2018 is when I started the journey. I lasted 120-130 days. (O'd once to a girl giving me head during this streak) I felt amazing. During this time I:
- Got my real estate license and became a real estate agent
- Got more confidence with girls
- More confidence on the basketball court
- More stamina
- Felt some type of magnetic attraction towards me
- Just an overall better feeling

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY

- NO MIGRAINES/HEADACHES! (I suffer from migraines ALOT, probably get them 1-2 times per week, and they were terrible. I've had multiple brain surgeries because of them)

I really thought I was cured, you couldn't tell me shit. But relapsed and went back into the struggles of PMO. As of today, April 15th, I'm currently 37 days in, and I'm fighting to never PMO again. Life with no PMO was soooooo good to me. I always beat myself thinking, "damn, if I would've stopped masturbating on this date, I would've been 9-10 months in!"

It helps that I have a bet going on with a friend of mine who also struggles from PMO. $50 to whoever PMO's first. I don't know if it is morally right, but we always encourage each other to quit masturbating, I thank God for him because he is the only one I feel I can openly talk to about this.

I NEVER WANT TO PM AGAIN

I repeat, never again. It's so useless and a waste of time. I hate myself when I do it. Tired of looking at porn, tired of beating. I am struggling in my real estate career right now, and that's all I want to focus on. I have somewhat of a fear for cold-calling and doorknocking, but it's something I know I need to do. I continue to read and workout, those are hobbies I've always enjoyed doing. I want to look at this post months later and ultimately years later, and say "damn, I've came a longggggg way". My whole life has been filled with PM, I'm ready to start my new life PM free. 23 years old, I think I'm finally breaking through, but still hungry for way more. Let's get it. It's all mind games, when you get that urge, it's the devil trying to take you to his side. Continue to become a better you everyday, and be bold. Life is so short, don't waste it spending time behind a computer jacking off. Go meet real women or find a passion or hobby. Don't ever try to justify yourself for watching porn, it's another trick I fell victim too countless of times.

I'm talking all this good talk, I really really hope I don't fall victim to it again lmao, I'd be livid!!

If you have any questions, please feel free to ask, and I will get back to them as best as possible. I want to help and encourage anybody else going through this. I want to be the example of someone who overcame this sickening addiction.

 

Man, you're spot on! That's a great comparison, tobacco is one of the most addictive things in the world, just like Porn. With how technology is, I see it being a real struggle for the youth. It's wayyyyyyyy to accessible. Let's continue to fight and set the example