Feeling like I don’t deserve love, doesn’t mean I don’t want it. This time, however, my strategy is not to look for love outside of myself; but instead, cultivate it inside of myself for myself. If successful, I’m hoping that I will never feel lonely again.
Two days ago, I had comforting dreams about love and attraction. I’m encouraged that my subconscious is optimistically looking forward to the possibility of romance. No matter how it goes, I think being positive, optimistic, and hopeful is essentially what is required for a happy life. Sweet dreams to us all on the journey of overcoming addiction to pmo.
I appreciate your thoughts @LOSEmyselftoSAVEmyself but I can’t deny how I feel sometimes. Unmet desire is certain to result in some discomfort, and even sadness, but it may also inspire some motivation. Now that I am comfortable and appreciate being in flatline, a total recovery means dealing with feelings of attraction and desire. I’m not sure if I can handle it, but I welcome the challenge. If I can avoid the neediness of it all and not revert to my old habits or be overwhelmed by lust, then I will have truly rewired myself physically, mentally, and emotionally. I hope that I am given the chance and the time necessary to totally eliminate all of the negative effects that my addiction to pmo has inflicted upon me. Ultimately, I want to live love and try to make amends for how much I messed up my life in the past. I believe that I am strong enough now not to let my occasional feelings of loneliness destroy me like it had in the past. No one is perfect, and I think we must all move forward without fear of succumbing to the mistakes we have made in the past. If rebooting has taught me anything, it’s that I can leave my past behind. From now, until the end, I promise to always say no to PMO. I love myself too much for that, and hopefully I’ll be able to share that love again someday.
Maybe you could consider doing a 90 day hard mode reboot? Because you might be confused between your sexual desire and what you need to accomplish. If you are still in that space of loneliness, then you got emotional need, and you aren't ready.
After 500 days pmo free, I can confidently say that my addiction to pmo is well under control. Although I have no desire for a purely sexual relationship, love is something I hope to experience. Perhaps now, I can finally do it right. I often find myself thinking about my first love and how pure, natural, and innocent it felt for us both. I suppose what I want is to relive the pure innocent love of my youth. Because all I ever wanted was to be a loving child of God. I know now that because He loves me, that I am never alone. This is the end of my loneliness and the result of overcoming my addiction to pmo. Just say no to pmo and the rest of your problems will eventually be easier to manage. Best wishes to you all.
How very true. PMO is such a dark, selfish, self-centered operation whereas the opposite is open, freeing and liberating. Well done you!
Ah the elusive love. Doesn't it make you think of that movie where they are kissing in the sand, as the tide rolls up? Haha! Women don't do that nowadays. They only got their hand out. Gimme!
Fantastic advice, I find you to be an inspiring person and you make me want to get more in touch with God again. Thank you and I wish you the best of luck!
Thanks @hawken45 Your kind words are greatly appreciated. I’m grateful that my posts have inspired you to reconnect with God. I’m convinced that prayer helped me to overcome my addiction to pmo and that it will help you too.
Hearing about a divorce of a couple that were married for 37 years, with 3 children, and 2 grandkids came as a huge surprise. Nothing seems to be terribly wrong with their relationship, and they still claim to be friends. The result is that I am feeling a lot better about being single. Moreover, I feel good about how I handled myself with my exes and my current situation. Love is entirely the responsibility of each individual to nurture and protect. I’m grateful and blessed to be able to live and love on my own terms.
i know how bad it hurts when we suffer all the hardshit alone and nobody there to even listen i am been there and i m scared too about my future and life oh god why all the good people have to suffer ;( i m tired toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Same for me. Loneliness is comfortable, even though it restricts my life so much. It takes so much effort for me to reach out that I hardly have the energy to do so.
I just saw an interview with John Mayer in which he explained a thought he had around Valentines Day. I liked it because not only was it pertinent to Valentines Day, but could also be used to combat the feeling of insecurity that is exploited by marketing and advertising. I know that my addiction to pmo was anchored by a similar insecurity. Rebooting has shown me that I don’t need anything or anyone to feel contentment. “You don’t have to be with someone to be together. I’m enjoying being ‘together’.” J.M.
Overcoming my addiction to pmo has had the added benefit of lessening the hurtful feelings of loneliness and abandonment. Reality is that I still have trouble letting go of my yearning for meaningful and loving relationships. Last night, it happened again; a loving and sexual dream awakened me at 1:30 a.m.. It included the last romantic interest I had over 5 years ago. I don’t have good memories of the woman, and I couldn’t even remember her name. Nevertheless, I couldn’t fall back asleep. I knew I would recall her name eventually, but it wasn’t something I wanted to remember. I just hope that I will be able to purge myself of all these unwanted thoughts and feelings. I want to learn to love myself more than anyone else, and allow myself to enjoy whatever time I have left. While it may be nice, I don’t need anyone to be happy and feel loved. Just say no to PMO!
Hello there. First of all, thank you for sharing these little stories from time to time. I just want to let you know that I enjoyed reading them. Good luck with your journey and I wish you well! From your user name, you seem to be a Buddhist. If so, I believe that you know you will never "run out of time", and you know where you are going. In the meanwhile, let's keep working on NoFap, help spreading the words, and create a better world.
Thanks for your encouraging words. I can continue with the report that I had another dream. Last night’s dream was about my first love, and entirely romantic. It’s was beautiful, and she was too. This time I awoke and felt the need to try and write a song about it. I’m not sure if I want to have any dreams or fantasies about old relationships. The hope is to muster the strength and determination to reimagine a better life, free from pmo and the misery of the past. Grateful that I can, and will live pmo free until I cease to be.
