And at that it was me looking at gay porn. If you recognize me from other threads you know, I've been struggling with HOCD and he gay porn I had watched for some while which I felt conflicted with my innate straight orientation. Well it is about week 9 in my current streak, day 62 I think, and last night had a wet dream where I was watching gay porn and next thing you know, in a half-awake state, I try to stop myself before it is too late and a big gooey mess emerges in my underwear... I was almost in disbelief for a few seconds. I know wet dreams aren't relapses , they are just the bodies mechanism making sure the pipes are flowing... it is just the topic of the wet dream that kind of bothers me... having been trying to get away from the gay genre it was just a bit troubling that it was gay porn I was watching. The funny thing is the image wasn't terrible clear in my head , kinda fuzzy, just the outline of bodies and the title of the video itself ... The past few weeks a lot of gay urges and thoughts had actually subsided for me and I was getting horny for women non-stop, and I was thinking about sex with this hot girl I Knew before bed.. so it's a bit surprising that I end up having this gay porn dream.. I guess it's just my brain starving for dopamine Can anyone relate? Thanks!
I can't personally relate, although I have HOCD, never looked at any gay/transwoman porn or noticed any gay real life crushes. I would say it's just the 'gay' in you making one last fight to remain. When an addict is ridding himself of unwanted behaviours or substances, the addiction knows the host wants to 'kill' it so it fights back. This is simply what has happened here. The only other explanation is your so deeply in denial you refuse to admit the 'obvious.' Either way everything comes out in the wash eventually... and by cutting out the porn consumption you're taking the right steps, to discover your true orientation and begin healthy relationships. Good luck brah.
