Day 15: I've been away from any exposure to the P in PMO and I noticed something today. Because there is so much of it online in so many varieties, the faces and personalities of any particular performer don't get the traction to stand out. So now when I'm watching stuff on youtube that's utterly benign, I find I'm becoming fixated on the women to whose channels I've subscribed. It's a little disconcerting and funny at the same time, but it makes perfect sense. These are attractive females who I see every day, and on a macro level, they are social surrogates to being with real people doing real things. I find myself thinking about them and getting aroused, and it takes work to stay mindful of my state and steer clear of that territory of mind and body that I no longer wish to inhabit. I am trying to learn to be the person I want to be, even in private, even in secret, even with all the doors locked and the draperies closed. Gratification is a need, but my Desire is to look at myself and have nothing to be ashamed of.
'I am trying to learn to be the person I want to be, even in private, even in secret, even with all the doors locked and the draperies closed. Gratification is a need, but my Desire is to look at myself and have nothing to be ashamed of.' Good going samo. Same motive I had when starting Nofap about 5 months ago (still haven't completed the 90 days). I'm now on day 6 and the urges are settling down. I know its going to be a long ride. Thanks for the inspiring words man.
Day 36: Just wanting to check in. I'm surprised that my journey so far has been as easy as it has been. I'm proud of myself. I am proud that I will catch myself and not accept the usual justification for a slip. I find that it is also compelling me to be less a passive viewer and more of a creator, even a participant! If I'm just watching non-P stuff on the TV or the internet, I find I'm nudging myself to get up and actually do things. It's really remarkable. I hope I'm doing this right the first time. I'll let you know...
