Journey Begins.

I have been watching porn since I was a kid. I am now realizing many of my problems throughout my life with regards to lack of confidence, low self esteem, trouble being in social situations... all have been worsened by my porn addiction.

I would watch porn for hours and hours and hours at a time. The intensity of what I watched became greater and greater.

I am married now and have realized that I never once have had been able to have sex with my wife in a loving way. It always had to be passionate and erotic. I have always hidden things from my wife, she had felt like I was becoming more and more disconnected.

I recently had become an Ashley Madison member, an escalation of my porn addiction. My wife found out 1 week after I became a member. I have never physically done anything with anyone else, merely online.

I wondered why I was engaging in this behavior even though everything else in my relationship with my wife was very loving and amazing.

I realize what is going on with me now and am very much looking forward to Rebooting and to connect with my wife in a more meaningful and loving way. I am determind and know that I can get through this.

I have been more open an honest with my wife more than ever before. I am getting therapy and have started on medication for depression and anxiety. This is the first time in my life where I have actually tried working on myself.

I have been a Chef for 15 years, my work consumes me. But with everything going on in my life and the thought of losing my beautiful and loving wife, I am able to start this journey and healing process.

 

One problem that I have had is not being able to be truly vulnerable and open with my wife. I have started a journal that I told her she can pick up and read any time. It is symbolic of me being an open book.

I enjoy working out. I have devoted a small portion of my day, everyday, to doing push-ups, pull-ups, sqauts, curls, shoulder press, etc.

My work involves a lot of creative developement, operations, and the ability to help my team grow and flourish. Concentrating and spending more time working on these tasks to excel my profession is something that I have really dove into.

Planning more things with my Wife. Dates, meals, walks, couple challenges, conversations, really connecting with one another.

The above are things I am to focus on to be able to work through my porn addiction. I know things will be difficult at times, but my self discipline that I have used in my professional life can certainly help in my personal life as well.