JOURNAL

in the morning today while resting, the lust neuropathway fired i had the want to masturbate to a woman i previously knew by stalking her social media, i used my mind to break through that illusion, but that is what my mind tempts me with presently, the creator is extremely disappointed, myself the subconscious me is disappointed, this woman i suppose from our previous interactions isn't on my level by any metric, it is truly sad that someone like me is being tamed by this illusion, to conquer this and make this a strength instead of a weakness, from now on, i live the way i was meant to live by the creator, the "devil" is cunning and very smart, it's time i follow humanity to the "T" i wasn't meant to waste life creating energy in the most shameful way possible, i was meant to be a man that fulfills his predestined purpose, i don't know what there is after, this existence, but if there is a next, i better not get there while still being a slave to this, seriously it's a joke, one big joke played on humanity, a mockery to the creator, it's time, i will use everything in my power, every knowledge i have gained, every energy i can find, to clinically bring the reality a life worth sharing in a next life, if there is one, i wish you Goodluck, and i believe in you

 

it's been 3 days, relatively calm, no want at all, have noticed this pattern, i believe the brain or body or whatever is responsible for testing your will on whatever you want to do, and it is the best opponent you can have because it is you, it knows what to do and how to do it, but i also am the only one who can face it, because i know what to do and how to do it, i can use it's tricks against it, it has been relatively quiet for the past 3 days which is unusual.

I have noticed this pattern anytime i get a strong resolve, and i mean a truly strong resolve, everything goes quiet, the addiction waiting, watching, eagerly waiting for a vulnerable time to attack, the plan here is i believe my will is so strong i get egotistical and cocky, feeling like nothing can stop, i lose my guard and relapse before i even know i, i am an addict, no matter how many days i get to, no matter if i don't ever pmo again, i will always be an addict, once an addict always an addict, and this i got from a study, once a neuro pathway has been created in the brain, it remains for a lifetime, it will eventually get weaker with less neurons if not used, it's never really gone,.

so i have to be extremely vigilant because my opponent is extremely vigilant and knows what to do, i follow my daily routine, i do all i have to do, i never get cocky, i stay calm as always, as calm as the night sea