Journal | Akhi | 0/1096

I've done everything. 12 steps. trauma healing. Gabor mate. EMDR, EFT, Hypnotherapist, Recovery Dharma, Inner child, CBT, REBT, DBT, ABC (PART OF REBT BY ALBERT ELLIS ), Rational recovery. You name it, I've done it.

I've healed from the past after years of trauma work with a trauma therapist. My Porn and Masturbation addiction doesn't stop and even after years of actual healing from emotional shame, guilt and trauma, my compulsion is still the same and more. 10 to 12 times pm with 0rg every single day at least 5 times a week. Have had maybe 10 - 10 day sobriety streaks and maybe 6 20 days sobriety streaks in the past year. But when I come back to addiction compulsion is still the same frequency. Which has made me realize trauma is a bullshit reason for addiction. It might have sparked and flamed the habit. But the problem is the HABIT. The problem is the short-circuited reward system in my brain.

28( in 3.5 months ) Male. 18(in 3.5 months ) years porn addiction and 14 years P& m addiction .

context,
I've solved alcohol, and cigarette addiction 4 years back. I've quit a massage parlour addiction which started and lasted for 2 years. Over 1 year 3 months clean now. Feb 29, 2020. no trauma healing, no bullshit. I just quit. no googling, no shit. Porn & M addiction is just not solving.
That said, there have been some important factors that I have come to believe and I have created my account to go through that process. I strongly believe PMO is an addiction on its own there is no root cause. The root cause is the habit itself. there might be corelative reasons but no causative. Trauma is corelative. I had already been exposed to porn 4 to 5 years ago before I had a shaming incident which ignited this compulsion. this PMO used it as a flame. But the root cause is PMO and as of today, PMO is the only obstacle for me.

I am not a sex addict.F the 12 steps people who tried convincing me that. Otherwise i coould have never left massage parlour compulsion more than a year back.

Solutions for me :
1) AVRT - My primal brain thinks I need this habit for survival. It's a glitch. It is powerless but it does feel real though. So becoming expert at my AV is my goal.
2) Rational recovery ( avrt) doesn't believe in one day at a time. But I've seen doing habits just for today& delusions I will quit from tomorrow show me one day is powerful .it can take you to years of clarity in no time, just like I wasted years saying just today I will be doing it, in no time.
3) My alcohol usage as of today is mostly once in 2 or 3 months and I have zero problems with it. this proves to me that after a period( i used alchohol after 2 1/2 years of complete abstinence and initially had a compulsive style but slowly it was gone- i may have drank 10 times in last 1 1/2 year and i have zero compulsion as of today even if it is in my room) brain rewires enough to have no more of the compulsion.
The reason i bring this up is , my trauma therapist who has his own method to solve addiction as he is an addiction specialist believes 3 years is all it takes to permanently rewire.

So i created this account. to daily journal till completion of 3 years and then move the fuck on with my life.


Regards.