"It's Not Over Until I Win!"

Hello everyone, I hope everyone is reaching their goals. I am a brand new member to this community, and wish to tell everyone how I got here, and what I am doing now, and how it can help others.

I remember being exposed to porn before the age of ten, earlier than others here. Once I reached the age of ten I got an iPod touch, and that was there my porn addiction started. Everything was at my fingertips, and had no idea what I was getting into. This led to me being addicted for over a decade. A few times I would do a good job of quitting, but it would just lead to me binging down the road.

Fast forward to when I was in when I was in college I had a girlfriend for a year. She was great: attractive, smart, happy and supportive. Over that year I could not have sex with her. I could not get hard enough laying down, I would constantly get hard and soft throughout us doing foreplay. I felt so shitty because I just wanted to make her happy more than I wanted the pleasure myself. I ended up dropping out of school and she broke up with me a month later. I have thought about how I could not give someone I genuinely cared about something so simple for over four damn long years. I just did not feel like a man of course.

I realized my ED was the worst when I was laying down. It took me a while to realize, but I came to the realization that I had been PMOing for years while almost exclusively standing up. Also, most of my developing life had been spent looking at perfectly engineered sex scenes on a small screen.

Multiple times since the relationship I tried to quit and it would not last long except for once, and even then it ended badly. I have not gotten close to anybody (which is a good thing as I have turned my life around vastly over the past 2 years) since the college relationship. In the past 4 years I have worked more than ever, gotten really deep into bodybuilding, upgraded my style, matured, and have gone back to school. Yet, I was still watching porn, and had ED.

Now I am not sure what happened, but at the start of this year I was feeling incredibly lonely. I mean the type where I wanted to fucking cry because I missed having a connection with someone; and sex was not on my mind either. Simple things like eating out, cuddling while watching a movie, taking a mini vacation to get away, etc. I realized that it is harder to have that long term when I cannot have sex as the relationship will most likely fall apart. I was watching shows and movies with romance just wishing I could have something similar to that. Well two weeks ago one show I watched hit me like a damn brick with a relationship at the forefront of the plot. I kept rewatching certain romantic and cute scenes because I missed having something like that. My mental state was fucked.

After a couple days of that I fell upon one second that I have thought about even more since then: I punched the shit out of my desk while watching one of those romantic scenes and yelled "That's it! This fucking ends now!" Ever since that moment, I have been on more than a mission. I think about staying away from porn everyday, being a better person, improving my character, doing better in school, training harder in the gym, and MAKING THINGS HAPPEN.

I have told myself when I have tried to quit before "This time it's different." Only to go back to the same debauchery. Well I am not saying that this time. I am now saying "I am going to make it different this time."

Currently I am using other aspects of my life to fuel different areas to keep going as hard a fucking possible: Using the motivation behind bodybuilding to fuel school, using the motivation behind school to fuel quitting porn and masturbation, using the motivation of quitting of porn and masturbation to fuel bodybuilding. I am watching bodybuilding motivation, motivational speeches, listening to emotional and motivational music, and reading success stories to keep the grind always on my mind so I cannot possibly fail.

Everyone: Lets change our mindset. No more pity and self-doubt. We can get over this bullshit and come out the other side. We just have to keep fucking working. If I was able to create the most motivation I have ever had in my life to quit this addiction, I believe everyone else here can do the same. Imagine what your life can be like on the other side, and use that as motivation to get the damn job done!

As someone who has failed time after time like others here, I will quote Les Brown, someone who I think everyone should listen to:
"IT'S NOT OVER UNTIL I WIN!"