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It's about time I become accountable

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by JimSail52, Jun 28, 2017.

  1. Jun 28, 2017 #1
    JimSail52

    JimSail52 Fapstronaut

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    ***CONTAINS TRIGGERS - READER DISCRETION***

    I have realised that a lot of my life's problems are a result of porn and masturbation abuse. I want to hold myself accountable and stop my addiction before it's too late. I am posting this because I want to further my commitment to stopping this disgusting addiction by being honest with myself and others.

    The first time I had sex I couldn't get hard. Don't even ask me how that works but it was awful. Now I have a caring and loving girlfriend whom I can't last more than ten seconds with because I have PE and mild PIED. I recently came clean with her about the reasoning for my lack of bedroom stamina after 10 months and she understood and has decided to work on it with me.

    I can't take this anymore, I hate porn, I really fucking hate porn. This is it, I'm quitting. No more excuses, no more rationalising - "only one more time and I'll stop", no more lying to my girlfriend about why I can only last 10 seconds by saying "I'm really horny" or "you're too hot". No more of this crap.

    My porn addiction has become so bad that I can't go a few hours without looking up porn on my phone even if it is public or at work. I'm ashamed of myself. My porn tastes have changed and I began to get into genres of porn that I don't even want to mention. The dopamine rush is so addictive - but I can feel it's not me on the inside and it's not what I'll ever act out in real life.

    Porn has caused me so many issues and I hold myself fully responsible. I actually prefer watching porn than having sex with my attractive GF. This is not right, this is perverted and a feel like a creep. No more hardcore porn, no more weird fetishes, no more instagram models to jerk off to, no more facebook girls to fantasize, no more softcore tumblr or imgur porn. No more reddit photos to look up at work. No more pornhub, xvideos, xnxx and redtube.

    This is it. This is my life. No more of that internet junk and wasting my life. No more.
     
    JimSail52, Jun 28, 2017
    JimSail52, Jun 28, 2017
    #1
    Buddhabro, SuperFan and Flyhigh like this.
  2. Jun 28, 2017 #2
    SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    Congratulations, brother ... you've arrived.

    You've finally reached that place where you sound like you're truly willing to do whatever it takes, and that's where you need to be. People who realize they have a problem, but then try to manage it with half-assed measures, end up in a perpetual cycle of relapsing. Don't be that guy.

    For what it's worth, I can't recommend enough that you make technology your ally instead of your enemy, especially in the early stages. If you're an iPhone user, click the first link in my sig to see how to lock down your phone 100% (I created the video and it's me doing the narration).

    Help us help you. What are your typical outlets or avenues for viewing porn? If you tell us some specifics about what your typical 'ritual' is, some of the guys here can brainstorm and help you come up with a strong gameplan to kick this addiction in the ass.

    Also, what do you like to do? What are your interests, hobbies, or goals outside of porn? You'll find that abstaining from PMO isn't enough--you need some positive things in your life to direct your attention to instead.

    Stoked for you, man. This is the beginning of an amazing time in your life.
     
    SuperFan, Jun 28, 2017
    SuperFan, Jun 28, 2017
    #2
    JimSail52 likes this.
  3. Jun 29, 2017 #3
    JimSail52

    JimSail52 Fapstronaut

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    I'm one of those guys, who realises he has a problem but does half assed attempts without really caring. I was locked in a perpetual cycle of porn and masturbation. Now I want this to change. I have already completely blocked porn on my iPhone. Problem is I'm so porn savvy that I can find it on youtube, facebook, instagram, you name it. It's unavoidable without completely altering my life. I'm just going to do my best at avoiding looking.

    My typical ritual goes like this;
    1. Try my best to avoid porn in the morning
    2. Get to work, constantly check instagram, facebook and youtube for attractive women
    3. Get really worked up and needing to fap at work
    4. Finally get home and lie to myself that I'll only look pictures of attractive women
    5. This turns into viewing naked women
    6. Then I'll jump onto a porn site and watch naked women
    7. Then I'll watch hardcore porn
    8. I then transfer across to fetish porn and my kinks
    9. Relapse
    10. Feel disgusted, ashamed, it wasn't worth it, angry at myself

    Funny thing that you mention 'hobbies'. My life is so busy.. I have many hobbies. I play sports and music. I work full time, I have a girlfriend. But I still find time for my porn!

    And Thank You SuperFan for your help. I appreciate it.

    ***SO HERE BEGINS MY DAILY UPDATES*** - I believe doing daily updates will make me more committed. I'll be posting the updates in this thread. Please feel free to comment or criticize. I need all the help I can get. I'm starting my updates from day 4 (today).


    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ DAY 4 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Today went okay.. I woke up after a good sleep. Was thinking about porn and masturbation when I woke up for 20 minutes. But I ignored it and went to work as usual. At work, I had a busy productive day which was good. I had a few peaks at some facebook girls and instagram models. Not nude, but I couldn't resist. This was bad and I feel terrible for it. I wont do this again. I won't. It's perverted and creepy.

    Got home an hour ago. Talked with my family and now I'm writing this. Feeling the slight urge to look at porn but I'm not going to and I won't. I am strong, I have the willpower. I can get through this.

    I have a slight headache, but I feel energetic and a bit agitated. I know the agitation is my brain telling me to masturbate. I will keep myself occupied and avoid porn and masturbation AT ALL COSTS!
     
    JimSail52, Jun 29, 2017
    JimSail52, Jun 29, 2017
    #3
    rabidrunts and Buddhabro like this.

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