It all started with a little pill

Hey @Lefty2 thanks for sharing your story. Really glad to hear that you’ve been able to move on in your life without anti-depressants but I’m sure it feels bittersweet that a byproduct of that is this habit you’ve developed. On a neuro-chemical level it makes sense. The anti-depressant had trained your brain to expect a certain level of certain feel-good chemicals. And changing that balance can cause you to seek out new sources of feel-good chemicals. Throw a little consistent morning wood in there and you’re off and running on that new and regular source!

Though I personally can’t relate to the anti-depressant part, I can absolutely relate to the routine part. To sneaking off into the guest bathroom. I’m married, and live in a pretty small condo with my wife. Despite the fact that, the way the crow flies, we’re never more than 30ft apart in this place, I would still sneak into a bathroom and masturbate to porn on my phone. Right while she was here. And then I would come out and have to face her? Oh man, I can feel that guilt right now! And I have pretty consistent morning wood too. Because of that, masturbating in the shower became my routine. Get up before the wife does, hop in the shower, even take my phone in with me?!?! Come out, kiss her goodbye, feel guilty and shameful, and head to work.

For me, the best, but hardest, part so far has been identifying those trigger spaces/times and getting through them. Middle of the day? No problem. Getting past my shower in the morning without PMOing? Probably the hardest part of my day. Still figuring it out myself but know that you’re not alone! Stay strong, brother!