It’s a curse to care.

Brothers, today was a beautiful day. The sun shined down upon me, a wind at my back. I had a goal that I accomplished, I knew I was going to do it. Even if that was spreading compost upon flower beds. I did all I could on my own to complete what I set out to do.

It wasn’t even for myself, I work because I reflect upon my father. I reflect upon the customer I’m doing this job for. For me it’s about redemption. It’s about proving myself in the day so that if anything happens I can hold me head up high. I’m a simple person, you could even call me simple minded.

I am a robot in the day with a mind wandering. My body moving but my mind elsewhere. You know what I’m thinking about? How happy I would be to come home to someone. I learned to not smother the beauty of that. Those porn filled images, I see the most simple scene.

I don’t want all that filth in my life, I have my purpose and I’m doing it the best I can. I will never crush that desire in my heart, I smile and feel the beauty of life. I look at the flowers and do not smother them. So beautiful, I do my best to care. It hurts every moment of the day when you realize you want to live for something. I cannot leave until this desire does.