Is using porn same as cheating your partner?

I was in the same boat as you and found lots of ways to excuse using porn to myself. For me porn is a deeply engraved habit that I have had since a teenager. I felt guilty and like a piece of s**t being with a beautiful woman who I love very much, but still being secretly hooked to this habit when I was alone.

I'm not out of the woods yet, I still have dreams about porn and have to pull myself away from the computer but I can tell I've definitely made progress and feel all the better for it. Even if you can't cut out the masturbation (which I don't think is inherently bad, but it depends on your triggers and own viewpoints) ditch the porn, because if you are asking the question of if it's similar to cheating then the answer you're probably trying to avoid is yes I'm afraid.

But you've made the first steps in getting registered on NoFap. Set yourself a target, 10, 30, 90 days etc. and stick to it, the support on here is great. You need to walk away from the computer and go and embrace the love you have for your wife. Tell her if you're sexually frustrated! Get it out in the open, she'll probably be more understanding than you imagine.

 

If you think in terms of sexual energy, porn and cheating look quite similar. You are splattering your energy all over the place instead of focussing it on your partner, sharing it with only her. Even if your partner does not suspect anything, the way you feel about yourself, your own bad concience could erode the relationship on a more subtle level. I made the experience that my porn addiction (among other things) made me crave more time alone and thus acted repellent to my former girlfriend when she did not deserve it. Moreover, I retrospectively realized that she started to feel unwanted, especially during sex. She started to behave insecure at times. Back then this just annoyed me, but now I understand this was my fault, not hers. Now, even being single I feel so much better about myself. I cleaned myself of that dirty and unnecessary habit and I can only recommend you to walk the same way.

 

I had the same problem, questioning myself: am I unfaithful to my wife, watching porn while she's asleep next door? After our divorce, I must say: YES, I definitely cheated my wife. As in my case, I was so attracted to porn, that I felt no desire at all to being intimate with her. Next you'll develop severe PIED, if you stay on that path. You better abstain from P alltogether.The difference between what you see on the screen and reality is so big, hence the reason why porn is so attractive. It's kinda fairy tales for adults. But waking up in reality will be harsh. I wish you good luck with the PMO battle. You'll find plenty of help on the forum.

 

Great advice and support ^^^! My opinion: Yes, it is (albeit to a lesser degree). I was in the same boat as you guys! Felt real shitty! To PMO diverts our intimacy away from our partner irrespective of our sex drive. Not only that, our wives can never compete with the endless novelty of porn. When we are PMOing, we tend to objectify our wives and sometimes have them carry out the genre of porn that most excites us. It is a dangerous pathway to go down. Gratitude to God, my wife knows everything and our relationship is certainly more authentic. That quote from House @Dev-abc "many successful relationships are based on lies ..." was really profound! Many relationships are dead and superficial! We live as roommates not as a deeply intimate couple. I believe PMO is a big factor in this current trend. May we all have intimate, honest, and deep relationships. Stay strong! Win!

 

Welcome, @Dev-abc

 

"Sometimes I acknowledge the source, sometimes I don't - if someone recognises the source - you have something to discuss; if they don't - you can come across as knowledgeable and witty, it's a win-win " Brilliantly funny. I can sense you have a wonderful sense of humor! Keep sharing brother! Stay strong! Win!

 

Well, if porn kills your erection with your wife, then to answer your question: it's worse.
The only person you are cheating is yourself. If your wife isn't worthy of your erect penis, why are you still with her?
Sorry, I do not know you but I fear we're in the same situation here.
Only difference is: I'm a bachelor and I don't want to end up in a situation or a marriage where I jerk off while my woman is sleeping next to me.
It's sounds so sad. Like loneliness inside a couple. And I bet she would feel cheated too.
Hell, I would if my girl (nonexistent at this point) would polish her lady parts next to sleeping-me.
It would selfish of her to do that.

 

I hate to tell you brother... Unfortunately, PMO does not get better when you are married. If you don't kick this habit now, it will follow you into your relationship! May it never accompany you into your future relationships! Stay strong! Win!

 

Brilliant! I would love to have a cup of tea with you brother! Maybe one day our paths will cross. May all good ascend upon you and your family always! Stay strong! Win!

 

I have been married for 4 years and i cant say at least in her eyes yes its cheating and in my youth i was stupid and thought pmo would just vanish after i got married. Not true it got worse. And for a while it made my sex life horrible and my marriage harder. Working on getting pmo free has helped in every way possible. Just wish i had started earlier

 

I dont think it's cheating. I had one colleague who was married and had a child. he was pretty cool and seemed like a great husband and father. he had porn in his mobile.
besides we're assuming that women dont watch porn. what if they do it as well. in fact watching porn with the mate might be fun.

is having outside food if you're married to a chef cheating?

 

Food doesn't affect your frontal lobe & your cock the same way that porn does.
Do try and see the difference.

 

Porn is the new drug has several testimonials of couples who watched together and lost interest in sex out side of digital images and women watch just means she is cheating this isn't a male only problem

 

And as far as a good husband and father goes a person can have many addictions and doesn't make them a bad person but that isn't a justifiable reason to keep those addictions around.

 

We owe it to our families to quit the porn. We are good people. Calling ourselves cheaters may be a bit extreme. But looking at naked women other than our wives, can we blame them if they feel betrayed?

Good people have addictions. But this lying, secrecy and dishonesty is not positive realationship behaviour.

We can beat this together.

 

I feel you may be misunder standing if your read my earlier posts I am making the same argument that we should quit. And I don't think calling it cheating is going to far I am very honest with my wife my addiction but just like cheating honesty doesn't make it any better for eather of you

 

I believe that I understand your post. Pornography is a menace to the institution of marriage.

In the same sentence you say that your use of porno is equivalent to cheating. In the same sentence you say you are honest with your wife. How can these premises both be true?

 

If you want a direct answer, physically and in a literal sense - No

Mentally and spiritually - yes and perhaps

If you are fantasising about pornography then you're binding your affection to someone else, its a natural thing to fantasise but when its as graphic as that, whether the situation is real or not you're cheating in a sense of the word because it becomes a untouchable desire like mirrored smoke, ineffable without whole form but there. It doesn't have to 'happen' for it to occur

Id personally talk over your issues with your wife and try to come to a conclusion towards a course of action together.

 

Couldn't have said it better myself - no it isn't cheating. That doesn't mean it's a good thing to have - ESPECIALLY if one person doesn't want it in the relationship.