Is this healthy sexuality? & not getting what flirting is

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Kyle09999, Dec 7, 2014.

  1. Kyle09999

    Kyle09999 Fapstronaut

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    Hello guys, long post, I would like to know what do you think about all this:

    I am fascinated by sex, thinking on it often, every time I see a woman (yeah, normal for a guy?). Lately (during NoFap) I am "checking“ also the body parts of males. Maybe I am bisexual? At least in my head, I never miss a chance to make a sexual joke. Being a pervert? I watched all kinds of P, especially liked the more extreme involving pain (I infact knew few women who were also into it, so I have a little experience). Its just so tempting.

    I discovered that I somehow see sex as the meaning of life. Meaning that I see no reason to talk to people and have initiative if there won't be a woman around which I could date. I say to myself: „Once I get my sex life handled, my life is going to be so great. (currently I have no woman, but was in a sexual relationship for a year, few years ago in high school). The problem is that even when having regular sex, it will not solve my missing life's direction for me. It will not solve my passivity. Its me who has to do it. But I still say that sex ‚can motivate me‘, I will have high energy and I will not need to spend time with these theoretical discussions.

    The reason why I see this as a problem is that I have no initiative outside school. I ask „what is the point?“ because I already done so much stuff (in fact became famous for my music in our city, 4 years ago). I do not want to be initiative ‚just to get women‘, but in the same time I understand that doing nothing will bring no results. I am rather introverted, so even if I can go to a club and talk to people, I just do not consider myself to be one of them, in the sense that I can’t share myself in those lousy environment. Those people can’t know me like that, because its not who I am. (they would think that I would infact like to do those things again, to have fun = NO.)

    So this social passivity is the reason why I am once again into NoFap, having a theory that when P or MO is the most interesting thing in ones life, that this all can be truly caused by being addicted to dopamine (and hence nothing else seems as tempting). But this is partly also not true, because when other people initiate something, I am glad to join them, even enjoy it, but then, once again falling into my passivity. Only longing for sex. Nothing else seems worth the time and effort.

    When being on a party, or in a pub, I simply CAN TALK with people about anything (there is not any shame or fear), but what I think is that I infact FEAR women’s sexuality (meaning I can talk to them as friends, but to directly be interested in them sexually, I somehow fear showing it. Is this just low self confidence? Feeling like ‚sex is always just not in my reach‘, so I sabotage myself by staying on safe boring topics.). Can it be somehow low self confidence (not thinking that they could like me)? I can talk to anyone if I choose to, but I am no man of a party and when not needy women come to know me, they simply have me as a friend. Being way too logical or something. Being boring. I just do not understand the way of how social flirting conversation works. I would say that I just can’t keep the conversation interesting so she would stay interested. And since my teens (I am 21 now) I just always ask WHAT IS THE PROBLEM? Even tried the PUA for some time, but now I see that it is not the way to live.

    Any suggestions?
     
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2014
  2. TotalLifeChange

    TotalLifeChange Fapstronaut

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    Man, I just had to skim over your post to realize what the answer is.

    Your obsession with sex is caused by excessive PMO. There's no around it. I know it because I've felt that obsession many times.

    Life is great and statements such as:

    Only show that there's something in your brain f*ing up your motivation.

    I suggest you don't overthink and just try quitting PMO hard-mode for several months or even a year.

    Even with all our problems and deficiencies, all men just want to "grow" and become better. Even with Porn, all just want to get a higher high. So quit, and rediscover a natural balanced purpose. Your life is an experiment of your own will.
     

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