Hey Guys, I hope this is the right category here for my post. I think i will explain the whole story about this now. I found the topic NoFap and the impact of heavy porn use around 1.5 years ago while searching at google for why I'm always tired and don't want to do anything after fapping. I soon found the YourBrainOnPorn website and began to read the book. I almost immediately found the NoFap forum and read all that stuff you wrote here about the symptoms and so on, which fit for mine symptoms really good. I began with fapping around 12 years ago in the age of 12 and since then, my life drastically changed, and i didn't know why. At this age something bad happened to my family. Before fapping I was a popular guy with a nice clique where everybody wanted to be a part of, the cool kids. And in that clique I was something like one of the leader (since you can name it like that in the age of 12 ). I wasn't shy at all and I also began a fight with someone if he provocated me. But then i found the porn and around the 6th class I changed from one of the "cool kids" to a shy kid who had no contact to someone in the class and never talks any word the whole day. I was shaking on the whole body all the time while I was in public at school and so I couldn't concentrate on all that school stuff. I already tried to tell my mum a little bit about that I don't know whats happening with me but nobody cared and nobody recognized that I changed. So from that on I always was the good and nice kid, before that I sometimes had some problems with my parents or in school with other pupils. But this all maybe sound a little bit bad, but for me it was the nicest time in my life, I had plenty of friends and I was in focus of everybody. But I visited school regulary and solved it not in a bad way (but I think and know it would be better if I knew about my addiction). After school I successfull solved a apprenticeship and afterwards a bigger further education. But I always was the person who made some huge thinking about what other people think about me, I always was anxious and shaking on the whole body all the time, even if I was alone at work for example. But since I began my apprenticeship around 7 years ago I started again with connecting to other people, because before that I lost almost every friend because I never wanted to go outside because of the anxiousness and I never was motived for anything. So one day I recognized that after fapping I didn't want to do anything the whole day, not even watching a movie or playing computer games, as I often did. I just wanted to lay in my bed until I had to go to work again, I had no energy for anything and I couldn't concentrate for something. Until 1 year ago I found the whole subject and I tried it by myself. A huge thank to all your stories on this forum, on bad days I allways read the success stories which keep me really motivated. Soon after try nofap I recognized how I had more energy and I began massivly increasing connecting with other people. I just met with a lot of strangers which I found on an local app. Since that I also had a lot of sex (for me a lot of because, I was a virgin til this point), with a lot of different girls, even that I stopped counting. In this period I even had two little relationships but as I didn't know what I'm looking for, they were short relationships. And thats the point. In this time I began playing soccer in a hobby team, I go regulary playing squash with a friend and I began dancing in a school. I traveled alot in this time and as I said, I like connecting with other people especially girls, because before the whole thing I couldn't talk to girls (even not to stranger men) and I really enjoy to talk to girls now, because it's a whole different thing to talk with them and I want to get a constantly better skill in it. But I also want to get a real relationship with a girl who I really love and who really loves me. But til now I took every girl who wanted to get intimate with me, and while I was intimate with a girl I stopped connecting with other girls. I even stopped socializing because I often only want to socialize with a girl, because it's allways new for me. And the stopping of socializing with them made me always sad and thats one of the big things why I always fail in relationships now. And the point of my title is, I always do many things for socializing with other people and I do a lot of sports as I told you. But to get no free time for me to relax stresses me. So I talked to an old friend a few weeks ago and told him about being stressed to do all that stuff, and he told me that I always was like that since he know me. He know me closer since about 3 years, so even before nofap I was on a trip like this, but I didn't recognized it by myself because I was a prisoner in this brain fog. So since he told me this I decided to relax a few weeks. And now I recognize that all the time I want to do nothing. While trying nofap, my biggest streak was about 40 days and since that I often only had 10 day streaks but I don't relapse regular, I just do it once then and continue on nofap. The only problem is that I peek alot for the pictures or for some video content even on youtube where I can see a little bit naked skin and I feel that this gives me a high too, but most of the time I have this under control. I know that if I would continue connecting with other people right now, go out partying, it would change again, but the first point is that I don't want to do something right now. And the second point is that I know if I again start being more active, it stresses me again because I can't do it only a little bit, I always do that stuff alot then, and don't get some time for me to rest... I don't know if you can understand my trouble, I know that I'm often harsh to myself, but I don't know if this is part of a flatline or if it's my personality that I want to do things more slowly and relax most of the time and doing nothing which gets me furhter (like watching youtube videos or listening to music the whole time)... I hope a few of you will read the post even if it's that big and I'm excited about your answers. Thank you for reading. Greetings molotrap
