Is there anybody out there who can help

Hello Tom - I too had a little run going recently and then relapsed. I also get feelings of guilt, shame and depression afterwords. These feelings can, and often do, last beyond the day of relapse, which demonstrates how the side effects of porn can easily spill over into other parts of your life. Yes, porn can really mess with your mind! I am also new to this community and I have not really been very active so far. Part of moving forward for me includes getting more active and trying to use the suggestions and resources that are available on this site. I think you did a good thing by posting your feelings and challenges in this forum.

Regarding the uncomfortable feelings that seem to be related to your girl friend and her past, I am no expert but it sounds to me like you are struggling with self esteem and insecurity issues. While many people (probably all people) grapple with these issues, there is no doubt in my mind that porn addiction does not help these matters. You may want to distinguish between your issues with porn, your issues with self esteem and your issues with your girl friend. I suspect that if you focus on developing self esteem and self confidence, then the other issues may not be as relevant or concerning. Let's face it, people with really strong self esteem and self confidence probably don't struggle with porn addiction or feelings of insecurity in their relationships. I would also point out that getting control over any habit or behavior that causes you to feel bad about yourself, including porn addiction, has got to be a step in the right direction towards higher self esteem. So again, good job for coming here and seeking support.

So yes, just go fix your self esteem and everything will be fine.

Ha Ha - This is much easier said than done. I struggle desperately with self esteem and self confidence on a daily basis. I don't know of any magic "self esteem" pills out there. I do know that when I do things that are good for me, I feel a little better about myself. When I do things that are bad for me, I feel like crap. Other than that, you may want to check out the world of "self help" books, cds and dvds. Knowledge is always good. It's the implementation that is the hard part.

Wishing you the very best and hope this run goes longer than the last.

~JLU

 

PMO probably does cause a regression in your mental state. And I think it is pretty obvious that P is unrealistic and helps you get into unrealistic thinking about you, others, and life. It does the same for me.

I agree with JustLikeU. Abraham Lincoln rightly said, “When I do good I feel good, when I do bad I feel bad”. The bottom line is that you are feeling bad for relapsing. Use those feelings to remember. Pick yourself up again and keep trying. You can change. But it is not going to happen without effort or slip ups.

With your girlfriend, I would recommend you let her be her own person. You shouldn't control her. If she is your girlfriend right now, maybe you should trust that she actually does like you. I have often worried that my wife felt or thought something. More often than not, I am wrong. And most to the time I am not giving her the benefit of the doubt. It helps me to break out of this when I try to imagine the tables being reversed. What if she thought I was thinking that when I wasn't? How would that make me feel?

So, what if your girlfriend is worried that you are always thinking about some girl from 3 years ago and would rather be with her than you?

Anyway, I hope you can pick yourself up and see improvement as you continue your reset. We are all in this together.