Today is my 17 day without any ejaculation. Can I masturbate if I'm sexting??? Also, when is it safe to start ejaculating again? Thanks guys!
Most likely, masturbating to sexting is not okay. Its bad for your reboot. Who are you sexting with? I think the only situation in which it might not be detrimental to a reboot is if it is with a real and current sexual partner, that you've had actual sex with, who you can't be with in person at the time. That way, the sexting is an extension of your very real sexual relationship. If its someone you don't know, like some girl you met in an online chatroom or something, then its just as detrimental to your reboot as porn would be. You're just replacing pics and vids with text and mental images. For the record, I used to "cyber" with "hot girls" (cannot confirm or deny if they were actually the beautiful young women they claimed to be) online regularly. It was a phase of a larger PMO addiction. As for your other question, when is it safe to ejaculate again, its probably when you can get off on the sensation alone, without thinking of your personal "spank bank," the porn you have seen in the past. And even then, you should do it sparingly, like no more than once every two weeks. Keep in mind, its not necessary to ejaculate. I got lucky in that after I got about two months into my first serious reboot, I started have wet dreams regularly. Personally, I think not fapping will subconsciously raise your motivation, and likelihood, of finding real sex.
Adding on the excellent post above, 17 days isn't really enough to declare victory over your dopamine addiction. Your brain doesn't forfeit in 17 days. Give your brain a sniff of the old chemicals, and, in my honest opinion, you'll be hard pressed to keep it to one ejaculation. Your brain will want to binge and make up for the past 17 days of abstinence. And do not delude yourself that you will be strong enough to keep it to one ejaculation, because strong anecdotal evidence suggests otherwise. Rather, think of all the benefits of abstinence. There are many and well known. And don't listen to rationalisations like "you deserve it" and "it's okay in small amounts". You need to wage war, my friend, on your desires and cravings. Don't give them any chance to become a part of your life. Be firm in what you initially set out to achieve and keep your eyes on the prize. Image how awesome you'll feel at a full reboot! Please give these words thought because they are my sincere advice to you, and I wish you the best in your reboot.
Be mindful of sexting as it can cause triggers, theres a reason why people preface *TRIGGERS* before they talk about their pmo past in their journals or updates. While I think its females who are more likely to be triggered by text since they're into their erotic novels as opposed to men being very visual creatures, we still can be aroused by it cause of our abstinence of pmo, the text might become a substitute for porn quickly before you know it. I'd stay away from it till your at the 90 day mark.
This here is very important to have in mind. I have fallen in to this trap so many times. Don't think a single ejaculation is an option, just don't! You will regret it, like I have done so many times before.
Wow thank you so much. That advice was amazing. Thanks to you (and the guy below me) im still going strong w my Nofap
I'm writing this post as much for myself as I'm writing it for you and public consumption here. In all honesty @Matthew Joseph i think that you're hitting yourself with dopamine. I know this because I still sext to. It hasn't caused me to M... I've got more control over that now.... BUT for how long???? And I don't LOOK at porn now.... but for how long??? The women receiving the sexts masturbates and I know this to be the case. What I've noticed is an upscaling in sexual content and imaginative use of language and visualisation for her to get off too. I would say this is likened to the dopamine drip feed for porn because it is harder for her to climax each time... so where does it end and how imaginative does one have to get to get her off? and at the same time fuelling your own imagination, dopamine receptors and feeling like there is a full blown P clip running through your mind. In the end i don't think it's about counters, how long you can go, the streak. It's about the chemicals in your brain and the abuse of them. Dopamine WILL soak your brain when sexting. I'm stopping sexting as now it is becoming a barrier to my new way of life... dopamine, abuse of it is hindering my progress and before long if i don't sort it out I WILL end up M'ing like going hell for leather, binging and feeling very bad about myself. I think @giggleshmack @JustAnother would agree with what I'm saying here.
Yeeaaapp. You are absolutely right bro - you need zero/near zero sexual stimulation for at least 3 months. Your neurons have to stop firing down that "see a stimulus: act out" tract. You need to make new associations between your thoughts and actions so that not relapsing becomes habit and PMO becomes something foreign. So when you get the cravings and the desires, you need to channel that energy somewhere else so then your brain goes 'WTF just happened?' and eventually you defeat your own brain and it submits to your willpower. The awesome thing about recovery is that, for the most part, it gets progressively easier! TL: DR: the actual act of training your brain is more important than the streak itself.
No it's not okay to sext while you're rebooting, why are you rebooting if you're gonna involve yourself in sexual activity ?
Correct. But it takes young guys longer to reboot than older guys so it could be double that. Don't worry, your dick won't fall off! Btw, sexting is porn. If you have been sexting, you need to reset your counter accordingly because your brain will have been unable to rewire with all the dopamine sloshing around in it. Please understand buddy, this remedy requires abstinence. Your various posts so far lead me to believe you haven't grasped this crucial fact yet. Good luck Matthew.
Hey MJ. I strongly agree with what everyone else is saying. I especially agree with the 90 day wait. I've been hardmode and I am having a little anxiety about going softmode. I actually just started dating again. I'm about to go on a second date with this gal. So I know it's probably going to happen. Sex and even masturbation don't have to be unpleasant experiences. And aren't for many. I think we're different, though. I'm hoping to enjoy the experience and walk away without the constant cravings that have consumed my life in the past. It's really hard to understand what is real and what isn't without having stayed clean for 90 days. Just take it from somebody that failed a lot.
Ya I guess I haven't. So no relationships with any female for at least two more months? I say relationships because sex is part of an intimate relationship
I know this is an old thread but it describes my exact situation. I've been on and off sexting for years, I've managed to get months-long streaks, along with a recovery (attraction to real girls, morning wood , boners round girls etc.) then lose them out of frustration by sexting then PMOing. My question is what about plain texting with girls you know? Even this gives me a b*ner especially if theres even a hint of flirting which is hard to avoid. I've tried convincing myself that this is not s*x but the thought of them being attracted to me is arousing (I'm a virgin as well btw) How am I even meant to have real s*xual relationships (however long my streak is) if me messaging any girl is essentially a relapse?
You can loose your 90 days, due to bad imagination about these message. Avoid this, be far from this. 90 days is not equal at all to 10 minutes of fap. Think about this.
The thing is I don't feel the urge to fap unless there's a lot of flirting, but getting a b*ner from messaging makes me feel like i've relapsed (as I lose morning wood after)
I believe there will be the whole spectrum of oppinions on this here. So I am just giving mine. My personal motto is “be natural”. In my oppinion, we are in a risk of getting – my English is not good enough to find the correct wording – “over-serious” (?) about it all. I understand that fighting our addiction is a battle (that I am fighting myself) that needs to be taken “over-seriously” to a certain extent but I still believe most (although perhaps not all) of us can return to our natural sexuality, which we are born to enjoy. To me, analysing my inner motivation with all self-honesty is the primary measure. Otherwise we take ourselves to a serious risk of throwing the baby out with the bathwater! So why I am writing this: Are you on a beach surrounded by bikini-babes and feeling noticing them and attracted to them? Indeed, you are noticing them and attracted to them, perhaps even be excited. That’s natural to men, isn’t it? Is that a reset? Depends. Did you get there by purpose? Lurking and staring to all that bodies, stirring up your excitement? Then I would say, yes, go out of there or reset! Are you there for sunbathing just be aware that these bodies attract you, may be giving them a glimpse, enjoying the sexual energy that rises in you, yet feeling relaxed and happy? That’s natural, no reset in my eyes. I used this parable since it is more explicit. So what is your inner motivation for that messaging? If it is nothing but an innocent communication with a female friend with a little bit of flirting from her side, which occasionally gives you a boner, that very well may be just your natural life. Or do you keep this communication by purpose? Then either stop it as soon as you became aware of it or reset. You have to answer yourself and the answer is even less clear if you are meant to have real s*xual relationships with her... To conclude: Erection is not a reset. Conscious bathing in sexual fantasies is kind of reset even without MO if not willingly stopped. Erection can get you close to the reset if you cannot resist your urges. But times will come to most of us when one would have to decide between taking the risk of resetting vs. giving up natural sexual behaviour. What has made one brave may turn in what makes one coward as time passes by. Life is not black-and-white. Life is an art of finding one’s way in the shadow zone of risky and unclear decisions. Fighting this battle makes us stronger and wiser if we take it seriously. Yet, it can make us just dumb as well if we take it “over-seriously”.
