Is "O" while having sex with my wife considered a relapse ?

Very well could be. Men are wired very differently from women. The visual aspect of pornography gives men sort of a “superhit” of dopamine much more powerful than masturbation alone. Men actually postpone orgasm/bring it right to the edge so that they can have a longer porn binge sessions.

Masturbation can be addictive too but not quite as addictive as porn (for men anyway).

 

I would think O with your SO is the goal you want to achieve by NoFap. PMO destroys your relationships. If you have a happy sex life that's an improvement