Is it possible to get rid of a childhood fetish

I’ve had a fetish for fat people (men and women) sit on smaller people ever since childhood after seeing my kindergarten teacher sit on a kid.

The last year has been rough. Severe anxiety, questioning my orientation, to knowing I’m straight with a weird fetish.

is it possible to get rid of a childhood fetish? Or weaken it? Like all I want is to have a wife and kids. I don’t know how I’ll have sex with this fetish being only sexuality. I know nothing else besides this fetish.

 

It’s very tough man I feel like I will remain single for the rest of my life

 

How exactly bro??

 

I think I do.
From my understanding, me being exposed to that scene in kindergarten caused a trauma response. When I saw the kid getting sat on, I wanted the same happen to me because he had all the attention from every other kid and the teacher obviously. Maybe I wanted attention or wanted to be overpowered and “used” just like the kid. As a kid I used to fantasize about me getting squashed by almost everyone ( men, women, animals I saw in children’s books). fetish porn definitely fueled this fetish by a lot, I’d say maybe 70-80% of it is porn fueled but I don’t know. The reason why my mind keeps going back to it and causes me feeling the need to be squashed by a heavy friend is called repetitive compulsion, basically my mind keeps recreating the scene to come to terms with it but it never can, causing me to feel horny and wanting to be squashed or feeling the urge to consume fetish porn. It feels like I’m still stuck in that event in kindergarten even though I am 24 years old now. I don’t know how to cope with this. Like I’ve read everything from brain pathways to losing brain pathways and creating new ones. But every time I abstain the urges get so strong that I just relapse. So I know why I have it and how it makes me feel, I also know why gender doesn’t matter in my fetish and also know that I’m straight no matter what, it’s just my brain wanting to be just like that kid in kindergarten. Wanting to be squashed and used. Wanting to be taken control of. There’s also something masochistic about it.

but that all doesn’t align with what I want in life, I’ve never been able to get off to a nude woman or the standard stuff I should find arousing. Instead krs just been heavy people men or women sitting on others and squashing them. I’ve seen broken ribs and bones in videos and seen people pass out. I don’t want anyone telling me to embrace this fetish because I cannot. It hurts and is dangerous and can end fatal. No I am not embracing anything I want this to become weak so I can find a woman’s body arousing and have sex like a normal person.

please I do need some help. I have been to therapy and no I not accepting this as who I am because if I never saw what happened in kindergarten I wouldn’t have ever developed this crazy fetish.

 

But what’s the cure man like what do I do now. Every time I see a big dude for example I get fetish thoughts and it haunts me wherever I go. Like wtf? I don’t even know why this is non gender specific which also freaks me out. TightI was gay for a quite some time or bi, but idk it doesn’t feel right. I don’t even know what it feels to be in love and I’m 24. All I know is fetish bs

 

So I have to keep pushing and not let this dictate my life. Eventually my interest in getting squashed by bigger heavy people will lessen the more I abstain. I’ve experienced increased sensitivity during my streaks, where the slightest thought would cause an unwanted erection. It was so easy to get it up, simply by thinking about anything fetish related. It was also quite bad because literally anything fetish related would do it no matter it’s straight or gay. I guess that’s normal and just a withdrawal symptom because I’ve engaged in this fetish for over 13 years. I hope that after time and realizing that I didn’t choose to be like this and that I can turn things around, and that I am capable of having a girlfriend and a wife and kids, and patience that I can live my dream life.