I think this is where we are very different. Because when I take a shot and she declines, I won’t sit there and hope she’ll change her mind and “give me a chance” in the future. I move on from that idea. That doesn’t always mean I have to move on from the person. But it sounds like this is a situation that you would struggle with. We’ll have to agree to disagree here. Clearly, neither of us are going to have our minds changed
You said a lot of interesting things ! But in my opinion, the term "moving on" is not explained well enough and doesn't explain how to act when you get rejected by a girl. Sometimes you think that when you get rejected by a girl, the best way to keep your dignity is: - Acting like a detached guy and not give a shit and ignore the girl and move on that way. - Acting like you've never been interested in this girl. - More generally, acting differently than you did before she told you this. You think it's the right thing to do when, in fact, it's the opposite. Because you show that when a situation is no longer favorable to you, you behave differently. A lot of guys are cool when it's going well. but as soon as a girl rejects them, they let their ego and pride define them and define their action. This attitude is immature but so ingrained in our lives. It brings only negativity, pain but above all a feeling of not having been able to express yourself fully. Sometimes it's hard to let go. You went to talk to that girl you liked. But if it's hard to let go, it's even harder to try to bring a girl into your life who doesn't want to come into your life. I'm going to bring you my vision to see things that can bring you a lot in your encounters with girls. By adopting this mindset, several girls came back to talk to me several months and sometimes even years after we met. But more importantly, rejection is no longer a source of frustration. When we get rejected by a girl, the thing to understand is that right now, there's no point in continuing to try. 1) Understanding this girl It's not always easy. If you liked this girl, there's a part of you that's upset. But you have to understand this girl. If you were in the same situation, you would do the same thing she did. She has her reasons. You don't know her whole story. The only thing to do is not to judge her and accept the situation. 2) Being vulnerable Being able to tell that girl : "okay, you're telling me you don't want to see me anymore. I really liked you. I wanted to see if we could get along. There were some things I liked about you." It may seem counterintuitive. But it is by being able to show your vulnerability that you show her how mature you are. You're sending her a very powerful message. You're telling her : "I, in a situation that is unpleasant for me, I remain true to my values and to who I am". I don't let my ego dictate my actions. I don't act like I don't give a shit because I don't. I'm in a situation that's unpleasant for me. But I liked you and I assume it. 3) Being considerate This girl rejects you and tells you there's nothing going to happen between you and her. What she's afraid of is that when she says that to a guy, he sends her a lot of messages and bothers her. She made us understand that now it's not possible. What we need to do is make her understand that she has nothing to worry about.That we're not going to write her a bunch of messages, that we respect her decision. We wish her all the best for the future. To conclude Letting your ego take over when you get rejected is misplaced pride. There's no shame in telling a girl you liked her. It shows how mature you are and how you take responsibility for your sexuality. Besides, it's much easier to move on when you've been respectful of your feelings and emotions. If you don't honestly tell this girl what you thought of her, you'll always have that voice saying, "You didn't show vulnerable, you didn't really tell her you liked her." By adopting this state of mind, you've acted like a man. You did what you had to do. You have nothing else to do. For this girl, that kind of answer is heaven. She can't ask for anything more. If you see her again in the street for example, It won't be weird and you won't have anything to blame yourself for. And maybe she'll even change her mind in the meantime.
Sounds like you have already decided that you want to be friends, and that's fine, of course. But try not to let it get in the way of your dating life - if you end up having long conversations listening to her whining all night, for example - but, equally, it can be really useful to have a female perspective on things when you have questions about your dates etc. It's unlikely, but she might hook you up with a friend of hers.
So much in this post that's true. I just wish I was better able to think like this when I'm in that situation. I've ruined too many potential friendships and maybe potential future reconcilliation when letting my ego get the best of me post-rejection/breakup. If only I had found a better outlet for those negative emotions and taken some time away from the person who rejected me things would have been much better for all involved. (Doing so entirely in the hope of a change of heart from the other person would be a mistake though, to be clear)
Acknowledging this is very brave and it means you've come a long way since. Mistakes make us stronger. Let's thank them.
I think the only time when you should stop contact (at least for the duration) is when you're in love with a girl. If she rejects you at this phase in your life, you are probably better off with some distance. Those feelings will fade over time and then you can still go back and talk to her if she wants to. I stay in contact with all the girls that i like, whether they rejected me or not. Unless they give me a reason to quit the relationship. But just because they have someone else, doesn't mean i can't be friends with them.
I went through this ad naseum when I was younger. I brought this on myself, had no idea who I was. Really, don't be her "friend". Sure, be civil and friendly, not a jerk. But please move on. Just experience talking, do what you want of course. Good luck.
