Is being lonely that dangerous?

Depends. Some confuse "alone" with "lonely." The former is simply being solo while the latter is craving the company of others.

Everyone should be alone sometimes. Somepeople prefer more alone time than people-time.

And we all get lonely at some point. For short periods it's not detrimental. For long periods though, it can cause problems.

 

There's a fundamental difference between loneliness and being in the state solitude.

This might be subjective; read and believe at your own discretion.

Loneliness sucks... It's not a good feeling. Just think of the word in itself and see if it sounds like a positive word. To me, it really doesn't because it justifies a state of hopelessness.

The state of solitude is so different. It's almost like choosing to be alone, because we need that space. In fact, it's even easier to focus at times when we're in a state of solitude. We can't bring our friends, family and loved ones with us everywhere we go, or, every time that we experience adversity. Can you imagine if people brought their family, friends, and loved ones to war? Sometimes, it's best to surround ourselves around those who are similar to us because it redefines the definition of a cultural-norm.

It may sound kind of strange, but you have to believe in the fact that you can conquer this feeling and you'll reach a new state of self-confidence by believing in your own internal dialogue. That is, if you choose to fill it with positive thoughts.

Take pleasure and learn to be comfortable in solitude, not loneliness.

Solitude: self-content on being alone, allowing one to realize that they need this for focus.

Loneliness: state of loneliness, fear, hopelessness of being alone.

 

Yes it is

 

My brother, I would just say that it depends upon you how you can act during loneliness.
If your act is in positive direction, maybe it won't do much harm, but if it's in negative direction, it can pretty much destroy everything.

 

Statistics shows that loneliness can be as bad to your health as smoking. But statistics aside, society has become pretty individualistic. Expectations and peer pressure are everywhere. It can easily get to peoples minds. Over time it can make you sick. Starting as lack of motivation in school which causes poor grades. Maybe because of a fun game. This game starts consuming you. Porn zaps you of energy and time. You start getting bad feedback from friends, teachers and parents. You stop meeting people. Negative thoughts starts poisoning your mind. Self worth plummets. You start believing that you are bad, lazy or whatever. You stop caring about your health. It is just a downward spiral from here.

 

Highly subjective topic and therefor response. I speak from my experience, from studies I choose to believe and from models of human psychology I choose to support. If there is someone who is mentally healthy (no disorders) and lives completely alone and is happy, I envy their fortitude.

I'm currently going to a college and live in an area days of travel away from my hometown. Since coming here I lost every peer I held dear. I have been alone and lonely nearly every day for the past 3 years (when not on summer vacation). It's extremely hard to live happily alone.

I've already wrote this recently in another post but...

Socrates once said he'd choose death over exile.
Cicero was miserable during his exile.
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Look at my end stamp/signature: "Live a life without regrets, die with strong bonds." There was a Harvard longitudinal study (TED talk: Robert Waldinger, What makes a happy life?) about finding the key to dying happy. They found it's about having strong healthy bonds with people. You can't have that alone.

Where am I going with this? I believe it's impossible to be happy as an outcast, as a lone wolf or as someone with no social assets. Be it family, friend or significant other, they are extremely valuable and one important key to a happy, healthy life. The only reason I'm not suicidal while at school is because of a healthy relationship with family and the occasional phone call with my best friends from high school.

After a talk with my college advisor, I realized I could care less about my future career. I realized all I think about anymore is having a significant other like I had in high school. I wake up in the middle of the night from "dreams" (more like nightmares) of happy times with my ex or fantasies of other girls satisfying my longing for a companion.

In response to:

I have lived an exceedingly healthy physical lifestyle for these past 3 years. I work out regularly and have a diet any nutritionist would approve. I'm currently pursuing a degree in a high demand field with a plethora of options (degree is a foundation). I regularly read fulfilling books and consume exceedingly entertaining shows. I better myself every day. But I am miserable here. Coming to this college sealed my fate as a loner and is the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life.

Another aspect:

I personally believe in this hierarchy, it is flawed, disputed and criticized, but so is every ethical/psychological model. I like it because I see inherent truths in it.
Maslow's hierarchy of needs:

In order to be happily alone/lonely, you would have to either fail to recognize the hierarchy of human needs beyond safety (ie mentally inept) OR receive sufficient love and belonging from yourself to feel happy (egocentric sociopath).

 

I would choose companionship with someone to share my experiences of happiness and sadness over no companion whatsoever. The second sentence I'm having a hard time deconstructing, so I don't quite know how to respond. I do make good choices for myself though, I believe I mentioned that I take care of my body and mind. If by "overexcitation.... desensitized" you meant that I am setting a higher bar to be happy, I will say that I still laugh pretty easily and can enjoy books/shows just fine.

I would argue that by taking care of my body, enjoying books and shows, feeding my mind that I do have some appreciation for the present/future. I am not trapped in my past, it just haunts me because I have seen myself fall so far over the years and it hurts. The future I'm not so fixated on, I believe it will be better than this point in my life. Right now is the closest I have ever been to suicide, so I'm sure it will be better.

Not quite sure what the differences are between being a part of your environment and separated from it. I will say that my environment outside of my apartment causes me to shoot up in anxiety levels because I don't feel safe or welcome (the TED talk above brought this up too). If that's what you mean by feeling like you are a part of your environment rather than separated from it, then perhaps meditation will help. I'll try it out, but it has a huge job to tackle, there's anxiety, also the pain I feel when I see a love story, the embarrassment of having nobody to partner up with during group work and the envy I feel when I see others engaging in friendships I no longer have.

@Berlengas It seems like you have at least found the ability to be content with your loneliness. I don't think I have that capability.

 

Loneliness has a higher mortality rate than obesity.

 

We're a social species. Believing you can be totally alone for the rest of your life while staying healthy and happy is lying to yourself.

 

Agreed.

 

Look up the case of George Sodini, countless examples of guys going mental because of loneliness. Especially because they are ugly and can't get laid for the life of them, shit's depressing

 

I'm not sure the term happiness is used properly here. It seems you are describing rather a state of positive emotion. Of course this is not something that can be pursued, because both pleasure and suffering are part of the human experience. One does not go without the other. Believing you need to always feel good is what leads people away from true happiness.

Happiness means appreciating where you are in life, both good and bad, both in and out of your control. It's not a state, it's more of a mindset or even a choice. And I think this is what everybody wants even if they're not aware of it. We are striving for it even if we look like we don't.

 

Well said. Completely agree.