Introducing myself - An addict with severe PIED

Greetings all.

I am a thirty year old male who has been fapping from a precocious, prepubescent age. I was seventeen when I got my first laptop and from there I made matters much worse, as I started to view pictures of scantily clad beautiful women which quickly lead to hardcore pornography and took me down some very dark paths. I also have a history of severe mental illness and had a psychotic episode when I was twenty. The reason I mention this is I attribute the trauma of this event in being the point when my PIED really started to solidify itself. Fortunately I am much healthier mentally these days and take my medication regularly.

However, the most crippling problem I have in my life is my addiction to pornography. It has robbed me of so much. I have not had a proper erection for just over ten years now and when I fap to porn my penis is still relatively flaccid. When I say relatively I mean that it's harder than when I am not engaging in this activity but still no where hard enough that would make it viable for sexual intercourse. I have PMO'ed so much over the years that the skin of my penis has torn and was chaffing and stinging the last time I PMO'ed.

Recently I have been developing an attitude of determination to once and for all deal with this out of control problem. I once went fifty six days without orgasm but I was still edging to porn during that time so that doesn't count. I started trying again three weeks ago but edged now and again for the first two weeks. However, I am fed up of giving myself excuses and feeding my habit by ignoring its root causes. Thus I am determined to make sure that this year is the year that I quit for good and never look back. My strategy is to replace this awful habit with good ones so I am planning on engaging in productive activity. For example I recently renewed my gym membership and will be attending the gym tomorrow. Currently I am a week without PMO'ing and am flat lining. As I believe the stakes are so high in my case I am developing an attitude that I cannot in the long road afford to fail as I have lost enough years to this already. It's high time to cut the head off of this dragon and realize my real potential.

Thank you for reading and best of luck to you in your journey as well!

 

Thank you so much. I am using the sub-reddit more frequently and to be honest, will continue to do so, but intend to post here when I hit certain milestones.