im tired and im putting my foot down

im tired of giving into temptation. im tired of coming in for that warm hug, or a minute of pleasure, and end it with a horrible punch to the face. thats how i view it at least. temptation keeps telling you that it will feel good if you fap. it feels good for a little bit, the it punches you in the face, and injects you with a little dose of new fetishes, attractions, and even pedophilia? maybe. then, it leaves you to bleed out on the side of the road. and you feel horrible after. and you just keep coming in for that "hug" and it keeps punching you in the face, giving you new fetishes and attractions. maybe even pedophilia if its that bad.

that i guess, me right now. im tired of this shit. im tired of looking at girls in my class and thinking about their thighs. im tired of looking at innocent children in my school whenever i pass them in the hallway and feeling something. im tired of peeking and slipping up and thinking of all the shit i did and all the mistakes ive made in bed. im tired of living this way. im not gonna let myself become a horrible pedophile, this world doesnt need any more of those horrible people. im not gonna let myself go for that stupid ass hug. im gonna put my foot down, and face my demons.

im gonna talk to a counselor at school if i have too. i just cant keep this bottled up inside me and just sit there and let it eat away at my mind, my self image, my confidence, and my morals. im gonna talk to a friend. i dont know if she will understand, or care. i have no idea if she will view me a horrible pervert or somethin, i dont know if she will walk out on me, but, maybe not. she has helped me before, she cares about me.

i dont give a fuck what that little stupid ass voice in the back of my head tells me. "oh just jerk off it will feel good. oh it doesnt matter if you are a pedo, its ok". no, its not. im tired of you little shit stain tryna convince me that im something that im not.

i wont be a slave and be controlled by some stupid pixels on a screen, tryna mold me and shape me into some sick disgusting pedophile or rapist. im not gonna let myself go. ima pull myself up whenever those stupid ass temptation tries to pull me back down into that land of horrible disgusting porn that it calls "bliss and happiness".

i just cant keep livin this way, so starting today, im breakin out of this cage.
im standin up, ima face my demons, im man enough, ima hold my ground.
ive had enough, now im so fed up. time to put my life together right now!