I'm really confused, and not sure about my sexuality.

Well, as the title says, I am really confused with my sexuality, and I don't know what to do.

I am addicted to gay porn, watching it everyday (Today I masturbated to it twice..)
I find men attractive, and I don't know if it is because of a lot of porn usage and addiction or because I am gay.

I started with Straight Porn and now I am here, not sure why I changed to gay back then. I am scared that, I was never attracted to girls, and that I am gay.
I watch a lot of gay porn, I have gay fantasies. When I relapse, I don't feel bad or good, I feel really empty.

I am not sure if I like girls even a little.. I can't even look at them in the eyes. When I talk to a girl, I always look around or at the floor.

I can't even stop watching this shit.. I watch it everyday even if I tell myself that "I won't do it today".

I am feeling anxious because I don't know who I am. Am I gay, straight or anything else.

 

The above two posts are so accurate and absolutely invaluable to your recovery. I would like to thank them on your behalf - it's great we have created such a knowledgeable community.

I have suffered the exact same issue. Here's my golden advice after nearing 'recovered':
- You're most likely straight. Gay porn fantasies aren't even necessarily an indication that you're some way closer to 'bisexual' on the spectrum. Porn, in a twisted way, plays on insecurities and creates an obsessive irrational fear that you might not be who you think you are.

We don't half of how porn can interact with our brain. I am rather politically left-leaning, but this is beginning to change. I look at society and how this sex positivism; all porn and sex, all cleavage, all nudity is great and positive - IT'S WRONG. PEOPLE LIKE ME AND YOU ARE VICTIMS OF THIS CULTURE - because it's this culture's influence that makes 'experts' say things like "Porn merely tells you what your preferences are and let's you discover about yourself - it's a good thing". I can tell you from experience that's complete and utter bullshit.

I'm straight. I was always into girls as a kid. Started using porn. Soft porn - Hard/Weird porn - Gay porn. And you keep watching gay porn, and the porn will eventually only get weirder gay porn.

I'm some way along the path to recovery. I have managed this by avoiding porn (not necessarily avoiding masturbation), and by having an intimate sexual relationship with a girl. This has allowed me to have regular sex.

Previously, I'd go out and drink lots of alcohol and try - and sometimes fail, or not even want to - hook up with the girl I'd sometimes invite back to my room. That wasn't the way forward. That was extreme insecure behaviour.

Trust me, man. You know who you are. You can feel it in you, it's part of your identity and it's hardcoded in your DNA. Any change to that is artificial and caused by the poisonous and toxic ADDICTION to porn (as bad, sometimes worse, than drug usage).

- Quit Porn
- Don't Put Pressure on Yourself
- Speak to Girls Because You're Interested in Who They Are - not any sexual features, forget sex.

Enjoy life! With maturity will come more security in yourself. I can definitely say there was some doubt in myself about my abilities as a man. Sex can play on insecurities like that to give a weird dopamine hit. But I definitely think might feelings of inadequacy lead me down the path of an obsession with being homosexual.

Peace and love to those of all sexual orientations. A world of equality is beautiful. Eventually, we'll come to realise just how powerful and how much of an effect the internet (social media/porn/whatever) has on our brains. Keep going. If you need any help, let me know, I have invaluable experience on the subject.

 

Thank you. I really appreciate the time you took to write this. It was really helpful. I have these doubt all the time. That I may not be who I really was. I try to avoid porn as much as I can, without any success. Thank you again, for helping me with my issue.

 

Thank you for taking time to reply. You were very helpful, and now I am calm. The info you gave me is really helpful. Thank you.

 

I do agree that you have to go on and live your life. Live life, do productive things, reach goals, compete in sports teams, read (these are just things that are 'living' to me, but they may well be different to you).

At the time, I read advice from people saying not to look at women as sex objects. And I thought, at the time: "I have friends that are girls. I don't look at girls as sex objects. I can speak to girls". The truth was, my alcohol-fuelled nightclub nights out revolved around adding +1 to the number of girls I'd slept with. I didn't have as many, or even the kind of friends that are girls that I'd like to have.

The positive of this journey is I've grown up a lot more. I realise the absolute value in finding that girl that you can love, even if I haven't found her yet. And I was blind to it under the grip of porn.

It will take time, but it's very fulfilling when you make progress and can chat to girls/boys alike on a human one-to-one genuinely intrigued level.
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On a side note, I think an interesting point is how sex has developed over the past 10-15 years. Sex was once expressing love; it was sacred and you would only hand your body in such an intimate manner to another when you had reached that genuine level in the relationship.

Nowadays, sex positivism has turned sex into a commodity. Casual sex, and in turn, porn, is celebrated. It shouldn't be, as we know.

I've mentioned before how I was perhaps often quite liberal in my views. For a number of reasons, one of which is sex positivism - this has changed. Just because it's old, doesn't mean it's wrong - there are some very important values we should take from the past, with us today. I really think this rise is toxic and us men here have suffered - we're the guinea pigs of this new age.