Hello fellas, Im a 20 year old male, who got really scared when i couldn't, most of the time, get a full erection with my girlfriend. That's when i discovered nofap and yourbrainonporn and it hit my life straight cold. Since then i haven't looked at a single pornographic content(about 2 months) nor i intend to ever again. The hate i have to porn for taking my virility is way too big. Blowjobs and handjobs were never a big problem for me, i can orgasm and i dont even feel afraid of loosing my erection because that never happened. The problem is the sex. But that might be because i have always found blowjobs very arousal?(i would watch many bj videos in PMO sessions) and that would give that dopamine rush in reward system? I have been able to have sex with my girl about 2 weeks ago, and i really thought i had passed it, or at least was almost recovered. Although i was drunk, the sex was amazing(although i orgasmed very very quickly). I felt my dick was about to explode and it was very full. After a few days, boom, couldn't get it fully erect(i can always get an erection, the problem is that they don't seem completly full and i can loose them pretty quickly). I got really frustrated. I really thought i wouldn't take much time since i seriously had no problem cutting of pornography, never had urges of PMO's sessions, so i thought i wasn't deeply rooted in my brain. So thats when i decided to get really into the community, seeking some knowledge with you guys. Should i stop completely the bj's and hj's with my gf? Because this thing is really affecting us and she starts to think it is because i dont feel atracted to her. I really don't wanna loose her. This is the first girl i really really care about, and it feels so freakin ironical that i can't have sex with her every freakin day. I would like to hear aswel the opinion of guys that have sucessfully rebooted. Will i ever be able to have sex like a healthy young male? I just want to be able to have sex with the same easiness as if i wanted to masturbate. I mean literally, it's so ironical i cant have good normal sex, get my dick full hard and if im bored i can jack off easily. Oh and one more question, should i stop eating like "rewarding" foods? And doing "rewarding stuff" like playing video games, or smoking/drinking with friends at parties? I know that stuff is bad for your health and all, but srsly right now im more concerned about my sexual life. I still cant believe this would happen to me, a normal healthy male who works out and have a healthy diet. Appreciate any comments. Thx
As you have learned working out and having a healthy diet doesn't help you if you are misusing and abusing you penis. Welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and sometimes challenge you but not judge you. It appears you may have "rewarded" yourself enough. It's time to get serious and retrain your brain that behave the correct way to healthy sexual stimulation. You may want to stop the bjs and hjs because your brain as associated them with porn and each time you have ones, you may be more susceptible to going back to porn. At least stop it while you are rebooting. You will be able to eventually have sex but it may take some time. How long, no one can say. 30 days, 60 days, 90 days are benchmarks not magic days as some may have you believe. It it a day by day journey. The enemy is here to steal, kill and destroy. What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?
Thanks for the reply, and for making me questions, that really does feel welcoming. Honestly i don't have any specific strategy. Sometimes i even feel i am not addicted because i simply dont feel any urge of PMO. Maybe that's because i gained such an hate towards porn for screwing my relationship and making my girlfriend not feeling wanted? But then the signs are all over there so i really think this is the key and the answer to overcome this problem. Anyway im working out at the gym, studying at university, socializing with friends and i do a sport. May i ask you if you have "sucessfully rebooted" yourself? And should i avoid watching tv shows? I like to watch comedy shows and im even afraid Sofia Vergara from Modern family might be "holding me back" from healing faster. Although i don't start getting sexual thoughts when i see her. That's just an example but sometimes i think if im watching a movie or smthing and some beautiful girl appears if i should close my eyes or smthin, for real, lol. And do you think, lets say im hypothetically cured, if i receive a BJ will i associate that with porn? And will that make me go back to having sexual problems?
You will not be able to avoid any and everything that could be a visual trigger. Over time, you will be able to control how you react to non-pornographic images of actresses. I have over 500 days of sobriety but I know that if I am not careful, I could fall back to Day 1. I've seen those you have come back after 2+ years of sobriety. For some, they are over it and never to return but those are guys who have changed not only what they do or watch but also how they live. Whether you can ever have another bj and not be triggered... no one will know that. That's the thing about hypothetical questions, you can only give a hypothetical answer at best. There are too many variables unknown to give a realistic answer. That's going to depend on you and how seriously you treat this. It will work better with your girlfriend on board with the reboot. Check out In Case You Didn't Know for strategies and tips which may help you along your journey.
Thanks for the strats, man appreciate it. May i ask you if with your 500+ days of sobriety, can you have sex like a normal person? Im not trying to be rude or invasive, just want a little shade of reality.
That's not invasive at all. I could if I chose to. I'm living a life of celibacy but if that was not my direction, I would be able to have sex as a most would. I have come to understand that having random casual sex would most likely lead me back to PMO so I would only choose to have sex with one person. I would wait to meet the person I would marry before having sex. That is not the path of everyone but that this my current path and alternate path.
I feel you and that's a really good path for you to follow. hope i get to the stage where i can have sex whenever i want, im tired of having friends who are always doing it with their girlfriends while i can't. And to make my girl feel appreciated and wanted.
You don't need sex to make your girlfriend feel appreciated and wanted. You do that with everything that you do and every word you speak to her. Sex should be the dessert, not the main course.
Yeah i see your point, but how can i tell her how beautiful she is and how i love her body? and then i loose an erection mid sex.. It's killing me and it's killing her aswell. Im making her uncomfortable with her body, and i cant be with her in my room without feeling like a failure, a constant reminder that i can't have sex with her. Everytime we dont have things to do and we just stay there staring at eachother or kissing i just wanted to be able to grab her and make love to her, and i can't cuz of a stupid habit i got used to thinking it was a normal thing boys do, and it wasn't nothing harmful. God, today wasn't a good day at all.
