I'm mentally exhausted from flashbacks... was all those moments a relapse?

Was it a relapse? Depends on what your bottom line is. But anyway ... good is you notice. Now that you notice you can work with it. Whenever you catch yourself looking down there look up and into their eyes or face. Bring your attention to their humaness or you focus on your breathing. Should you catch yourself again looking down there ... again move your eyes away from there and up. Be gentle with yourself but consequent. Btw ... I can relate to that

 

Recovery is not a linear process. It is not that we go from A to Z. We start then move on then it is a step back maybe then a few forward. Then it looks we're done with it. Then there is a trigger that hits some limbic button and we're back in a zone we don't want to be. I'd say our job is to stay on our toes and catch the triggers.
There's a quote from Victor Frankl: "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."

It can be annoying and frustrating to fall back, have flashbacks. And it is great you do not just let it happen again but get angry and want it to be over. Just try not to hate yourself for it. Talk to that behavior like a wise and firm man would talk to a boy who did something not so appropriate.

 

You are def. not alone @saddist_adult And I am sure there are some more here who know what it's like. We do funny stuff when hooked. Or rather our limbic part of the brain which is way faster operating than the prefrontal cortex where reason is located. The youngest part of our brain.

 

I predict the OP will create another thread just like this in the next couple of days…maybe weeks, if we’re lucky.


You people really need to look up a persons thread creation history before replying.


No amount of good advice is going to stop him from his obsessive mentality.

 

Yes @saddist_adult, do not get frustrated should it happen again. Just notice, pause, look up . Notice, look up. If your eyes wander ... get them back under your control and focus up ... Break the bad habit and build a new healthy one and enjoy life meanwhile.

 

i wouldn't say that is entirely true. people with obcessive mentality are usually very dissatisfied unfulfilled potentially borderline and changes in various life experiences make a difference

 

Whatever you say pal.