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I'm in a happy relationship, but I want to learn to flirt?!

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by NoMilkNoSugar, Sep 2, 2017.

  1. Sep 2, 2017 #1
    NoMilkNoSugar

    NoMilkNoSugar Fapstronaut

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    The title pretty much sums it up.

    I have been in a great long term relationship for several years. But in the last couple of months, I moved forward in life (in multiple ways) and got more confident. It bugs me that I am still incredibly insecure about women and about my attractiveness. I used to be an incredibly beta nerdy teenager, women never paid attention to me, and it hurt me greatly at the time. Now, a decade later, I improved in many ways, but that feeling of the nerdy teenager unable to say a word in front of a young woman never went away, and it really hurts. I feel like I want to move past that, but at the same time protect my relationship.

    Maybe I already know the answer to my question. I think the answer is that I need to work on my general communication skills, not specifically flirting with women. For instance, take part in more events related to my hobbies, volunteer to give presentations and organise things, and simply make more time for social and communicative activities. Maybe all I need it to become a more confident communicator and speaker. Still, that feeling of being a nerdy teenager unable to look a beautiful woman in the eye really pricks me, and probably always will until I overcome it.

    I know this reads more like a monologue, but please share your thoughts!
     
    NoMilkNoSugar, Sep 2, 2017
    NoMilkNoSugar, Sep 2, 2017
    #1
  2. Sep 2, 2017 #2
    Clean Plate

    Clean Plate Fapstronaut

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    Theresa game you can play that helps with not looking in a woman in the eyes.
    It goes : everytimeyou see a woman, look them in the eyes UNTIL THEY LOOK AWAY. If you look away first, thats okay, just keep playing this game until you master it. Even if she stops to look at you you stop too and keep looking at her eyes until she looks away (you have to build yourself up to this point). Dont worry if you get thoughts like "She'll think im a pervert/weirdo etc.", it only matters how YOU HONESTLY feel about want you want from this girl, I hope its to get to know her and not for lustful purposes, lol. Women can tell what youre thinking (subconsciously) by looking at your eyes, so eveytime you look at a women, think "I wonder what she's really like." Like I said you have to build up to this point, it takes practise, then flirting will come naturally, Oh and it really helps if you have a couple months of absention from PMO for maximum effect! good luck!
     
    Clean Plate, Sep 2, 2017
    Clean Plate, Sep 2, 2017
    #2
  3. Sep 2, 2017 #3
    The Wrestler

    The Wrestler Fapstronaut

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    Dude, practice flirting with your partner! Flirting with other people is a bad idea.

    Also:
     
    The Wrestler, Sep 2, 2017
    The Wrestler, Sep 2, 2017
    #3
    kropo82 and noexcuses like this.
  4. Sep 3, 2017 #4
    samnf1990

    samnf1990 Fapstronaut

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    If you are happy in your relationship then you do not need to flirt. You should be confident around other women because you need and want nothing from them. If you do want something from women other than your partner then you need to make more progress in your reboot. Flirting with other women is a backwards step and a p-sub.
     
    samnf1990, Sep 3, 2017
    samnf1990, Sep 3, 2017
    #4
  5. Sep 3, 2017 #5
    NoMilkNoSugar

    NoMilkNoSugar Fapstronaut

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    Yes in the perfect world of a perfectly balanced human, that would be the case. But clearly, I am not confident around women as I never learned that. Being with my girlfriend is like second nature now, but I still can barely talk to beautiful women and I am still a shy communicator overall (in my professional domain too, although I'm getting better). I am just trying to get my head around how to overcome all that shyness and muteness in front of strangers, especially women.

    I think you are right about that to some degree. But it's hard to pin down a excitement about beautiful women to one thing: Partly it's what you said (p-sub kicking in), partly it's just healthy testosterone increase from nofap, I think.
     
    NoMilkNoSugar, Sep 3, 2017
    NoMilkNoSugar, Sep 3, 2017
    #5
  6. Sep 5, 2017 #6
    NoMilkNoSugar

    NoMilkNoSugar Fapstronaut

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    Im still curious what other people think about this question. Aren't there any other guys who want to overcome their shyness with women while at the same time being in a serious relationship? I don't want to jeopardize my relationship, but at the same time I feel like overcoming shyness with women is a step in my personal development that I want to leave behind. This is weird and really unclear to me.
     
    NoMilkNoSugar, Sep 5, 2017
    NoMilkNoSugar, Sep 5, 2017
    #6
  7. Sep 6, 2017 #7
    samnf1990

    samnf1990 Fapstronaut

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    I think the lack of activity on this thread is due to the predicament bring one that should not exist, and that does not exist for many fapstronaughts, particularly in this community of us in relationships. Many or most of us are here because we want to better ourselves and strengthen our relationships, not to prepare ourselves to jump ship as soon as we can bring ourselves to talk to women hotter than our partners. Reconsider why you want to develop this confidence. If you are committed to your relationship then it is not a goal you should be striving for.
     
    samnf1990, Sep 6, 2017
    samnf1990, Sep 6, 2017
    #7
  8. Sep 6, 2017 #8
    samnf1990

    samnf1990 Fapstronaut

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    Also, when you stop seeing women as potential sexual partners they will automatically become easier to speak to.
     
    samnf1990, Sep 6, 2017
    samnf1990, Sep 6, 2017
    #8
  9. Sep 6, 2017 #9
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    Flirt with your GF/SO. If you can't with her you won't have much luck doing it with other women. And why would you need to? Women love it when their men flirt with them. Adds some spice. Builds up some anticipation.

    While you do have to be confident to flirt just go for confidence instead. Talk to strangers. Male and female. Do something that would horrify you like a presentation or other public speaking. Just talk. That's all flirting really is--talking.
     
    Deleted Account, Sep 6, 2017
    Deleted Account, Sep 6, 2017
    #9
    A41:14A, noexcuses and samnf1990 like this.
  10. Sep 7, 2017 #10
    True-Self

    True-Self Fapstronaut

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    @NoMilkNoSugar the above sounds like really solid advice to me! I think you should give what @DemonSemen suggested a try.
     
    True-Self, Sep 7, 2017
    True-Self, Sep 7, 2017
    #10
    samnf1990 likes this.

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