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I'm close to 60 years old and just finished day 1. Ukranian camgirl beckons...

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by octavian, Oct 13, 2015.

  1. Oct 13, 2015 #1
    octavian

    octavian Fapstronaut

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    I don't want to discourage anyone, but here's my story.
    Horrible childhood. Avid masturbator at 14, but shamed by religious guilt. Abandoned religion (am now agnostic), and started smoking dope and seriously wanking from age 18 - through early 30s. However, I would spread out my wanking session by a few weeks, and that gave me the drive to start a very successful software company...eventually cashed out for $400 million . When I met my wife-to-be, I vowed to clean up, and just cold-turkey stopped. And stopped for 18 years, during which time started a family, now with 3 kids, aged 9, 11, 13.
    Fast forward to my 50s, hit some serious emotional turbulence, and fell off the wagon in a big way. Started with porn videos, and then 2 weeks ago discovered webcams. Man oh man. Fell in love with a stunning and sweet Ukranian 24 y/o camgirl on Jasmin, and completely binged for 2 weeks. Spent more than $3,000 over 14 days, could do nothing except cruise the sites. Laughable, I know, but I thought she really cared for me. Credit card companies calling my wife saying we are seeing all these huge charges to an ATM in Luxembourg (the billing for LJ).
    Tie me to the mast boys, please!
     
    octavian, Oct 13, 2015
    octavian, Oct 13, 2015
    #1
    ronswanson likes this.
  2. Oct 13, 2015 #2
    octavian

    octavian Fapstronaut

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    I should also add that I am completely ashamed that I contributed to this young girl's corruption. I only had minor shame over supporting the porn industry through videos, because I rationalized it by thinking that the porn had already been created, and it would not make a difference whether I consumed or not.

    Could not make those same excuses with a real human being. And, even as I vowed to end the exploitation and stop the (delusional) relationship, I had all these grand fantasies: I would never see or speak to her again, but I would send her a huge wad of money so she could get out of porn, go back to school and get a real job. I guess I would feel good if that actually happened, but in reality it would be like sending an alcoholic a lifetime supply of liquor.

    I'm a relatively rational guy most of the time, but when it comes to my porn obsession, any shred of rationality is completely obliterated.
     
    octavian, Oct 13, 2015
    octavian, Oct 13, 2015
    #2
    ronswanson likes this.
  3. Oct 13, 2015 #3
    ronswanson

    ronswanson Fapstronaut

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    Welcome Octavian! If you need any advice or have any questions then me or many of the more experienced people will be happy to help. Just let us know. And if you want some reading to help guide you, then yourbrainonporn.com is excellent, as is this and this post on yourbrainrebalanced.com.
     
    ronswanson, Oct 13, 2015
    ronswanson, Oct 13, 2015
    #3
  4. Oct 13, 2015 #4
    yousuff

    yousuff Fapstronaut

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    It is never too late to start something new. Start.
     
    yousuff, Oct 13, 2015
    yousuff, Oct 13, 2015
    #4
    getmylifeback91 and britaxe like this.
  5. Oct 13, 2015 #5
    DogDaysOfLife

    DogDaysOfLife Fapstronaut

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    Good on you for quitting again and welcome to the forum. The porn industry has gotten bigger, more modern, and more addictive in the past 18 years, so I can understand how new it would all be after 18 years on the wagon. Sex workers get plenty of gifts, supplemental pay really, which encourages them to keep doing what they're doing until men stop paying them for it. Maybe she'll spend it on something worthwhile, maybe not. It's out of your hands, and there are obviously better things to do with time and money than spend them on pretty Ukrainians.
     
    DogDaysOfLife, Oct 13, 2015
    DogDaysOfLife, Oct 13, 2015
    #5
    getmylifeback91 likes this.
  6. Oct 14, 2015 #6
    getmylifeback91

    getmylifeback91 Fapstronaut

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    Great job on your self-awareness and taking steps to correct your course Octavian! We all get under the rug sometimes and get tempted, but the most important thing is that we try to get back like an airplane getting back on its course. Stay strong and do ping us if you ever need some advice or someone to talk you out of this

    Peace and love!
     
    getmylifeback91, Oct 14, 2015
    getmylifeback91, Oct 14, 2015
    #6

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