I'm an addict.

Over the years I've hesitated in admitting to myself that I had a problem. I'm deep in this but I want to fight to be the best version of myself. I've suffered too many losses in this war with myself it's cost me too much pain and depression. My addiction is Porn and masturbation. I've only admitted this problem to one person in my entire life and now to you all. I will try my best to document what I feel and what's going on in my head throughout the next 60 days is what I will try to document. I've been relapsing on and off all month long and each and every time I tear at myself for doing it. Today is the day my life changes for the better, glad to be on board. Feel free to ask me anything. Just writing this out is giving me a stronger sense of hope.

 

This will be me abstaining from pornography as well as masturbation. I was recently cheated on and left for someone else after 3 years of being in a relationship. A lot more than this contributed to that failed relationship but what I don't want is to fall into a deeper depression and have my self-hatred grow. I want to love who I am before I can give someone else the chance to love me. Raw thoughts here.

 

It feels so much different to stop this time around, I don't feel alone. I really appreciate the input.

Currently I'm trying to stay as productive as possible. Starting from the moment I wake up with something simple yet crucial as tucking my bed to going out and spending time with friends or just studying in public rather than alone at home. With everything else personal going on, I'm also trying to figure who I really am, and I do know that this demon does not belong there.

Been on a 17 day streak of cooking all of my meals from morning to night. I've gotten back into fitness and plan on making this lifestyle a lifelong choice. Today was my first day since my own personal relapse and I feel more confident than ever before. Even if I didn't see a reply the fact that I was holding myself accountable and actually going through with this is another motive to succeed.

 

Thanks D.J. will head that way for inspiration. Will post again later.

 

Just know that you're not alone and this feeling of needing to stop is something you and I both share. Ever since joining I've met some great support, something I've never had when dealing with this struggle. Our road to success can and will be achieved. Never stop believing. We are with you as much as you are with us.

Update: never felt stronger in my personal war against this addiction. I don't feel urges and if I even have the slightest thought I immediately kill the feeling with remembering why I started this journey and why I cannot fail anymore. Will update again later on.

 

Agreed, telmptation was tough today but not worth it. At the end of the day it just flat out isn't worth it. There's a reason we joined in the first place.