I'm about to lose my mind please help... since i had flashbacks about the incident...

Hey there, I hope you're doing well.

I'm not sure if I can be much help but I can say that I experience similar episodes of 'flash backs'.

The best way that I find I deal with them is to not react. It sounds difficult but the more power you give to a flash back the more it will persist and the more defined it will become in your mind.

First remember to tell yourself, "Dont Panic." When you panic you give the flashback attention and power.
Second, separate yourself from possible avenues which will allow you to relapse. If you can access the triggering stimulus through a computer or phone then separate yourself from those things immediately. (However I must disclose that if you're experiencing a psychological or medical emergency always call 911.)

By telling yourself not to panic and separating yourself from the triggering material you are isolating yourself from the potential of relapse by reducing the energy you feed into your addiction and by cutting yourself off by the supply.

To deal with the flash back you need to find a quiet space where you can regain control of your thoughts. If you are at work then try to find a way you can take a break to allow yourself time to calm down.

I hope this helps you in the future. Of course I hope that you will be safe and dont be afraid to seek help when you need it.
(please take into account this coping process works for me and may not work for everyone.)

 

Here is my opinion,

It sounds like what you were describing to me was a flashback episode which occurred completely within the realm of your own thought.

If the flashbacks were the only thing that happened then that is not a relapse.

However if you acted on the flashback such as breaking your abstination from PMO then that would be considered a relapse.

Don't over think it my friend. Thoughts are yours alone. You can't relapse just by thinking about PMO by itself. You have to physically indulge in PMO to actually relapse.

If you do think you relapsed then don't distress. Remind yourself of how far you've come. That this is only a minor set back for you. And the next step is to pull yourself up by the boot strings and start again.

I hope this helps you, keep up the good work friend!

 

The only thing I can say for certain is that all the time you spent in abstination was not for nothing. It wasn't wasted. Unless YOU decide that it was wasted.

 

I think it depends on the context and the intent of the listener.

If I happened to hear sounds that could be construed as sexual from a movie or other piece of media not intended for explicitly pornographic use then I would not consider that a relapse. To me.

If I accidentally came across sounds of a sexual nature then chose to continue listening to it either out of compulsion or for sexual gratification then I would consider that a relapse. To me.

If I sought out sounds of a sexual nature with the intention of experiencing sexual pleasure from it then I would consider that a relapse. To me.

Now here is a tricky one: If I sought out sounds of a sexual nature due to a long standing habitual trend I developed as a result of prolonged exposure to PMO then I would also consider that a relapse. To me.

I put "to me" at the end of each scenario because I'm only capable of speaking from my perspective. I have laid out very strict rules when it comes to my abstination. For me, seeking out and listening to any sort of sexualized media whether or not I receive sexual satisfaction from it is considered a relapse in my mind.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's not a very easy answer to give you.

I cant just say, yes this was a relapse, or, no this wasn't. Because there is so much more to it.

 

I believe your frame of mind needs a slight readjustment.

Let me speak from the heart for a second.

When I relapsed last weekend I was four months free of PMO, the longest I'd gone so far. I felt crushed that I had given in. And even worse I was riddled with anxiety.

The only thing I could do about it was take action and take steps to prevent my relapse from happening again.

Sure I could have agonized over it, chastised myself for breaking my abstinence but to what end? What's the point? It doesn't help me to punish myself. It doesn't help me to believe that the four months I spent being abstinent was wasted (because I did feel like that at first).

Once it was over with and I had regained control of my anxiety I only had one course of action which was to move forward and try again. I looked at the things I did wrong and took action to make sure I didn't make the same mistakes.

I looked at the things I did right and I felt proud of myself for abstaining for four months! It was a massive improvement for me and a huge accomplishment.

So the only thing I could do in the end was try again. Keep going. Because I'm not going to go back to watching pornography or even listening to it. It's not what I want and I'm not the person I want to be.

 

This is starting to sound like it's got more to do with feelings of anxiety than it does actual relapse.

Whenever I experience relapse it's actually more about my anxiety than it is about the relapse.

Managing anxiety has been something I've struggled with since I was born practically. If anxiety is truly what's got you so messed up then you should approach the situation as a means of managing your anxiety.

You might be surprised to learn that fixing anxiety might also help with your abstinence.

 

You keep talking a out giving up. But why? Just because you relapsed you'd be willing to go back to porn addiction?

If you return to porn you will be right back at the beginning, suffering from anxiety and all the other problems porn use to give you.

 

At the end of the day your the only one who can decide what this means to you and you decide what you do about it. If you've decided that you've given up then there isn't anything else I can say.

But if I were in your shoes then I wouldn't give up. In fact I've been in your shoes and I haven't given up, so you shouldn't either.