I want to go NoFap because of ED but my wife likes porn and has no problem with it

Hi!
I am using P for M since before I could O. It was with me all of my life and it ruined my first marriage (though to be honest that marriage was never a real thing in any aspect).
I now have a wife and 2 kids (18 YO from my wifes 1st marriage and a 6.5 YO of our own). We are together for 10 years. I am completely committed to my family and am really living for it. But last couple of years we are having almost no sex (maybe once a year). She is communicating about this all of the time but feels like shit for doing that. I dont feel urge for sex with her because I am, to be honest, intimidated a bit because she is "the leader" in our relationship. I am a sensitive creative kind of guy, not really alpha male in any way, and she is really "in place" with everything and likes to have things under control. Which I really like and have no problem with that (she is like an "anchor" keeping me grounded). Our marriage is perfect in every other aspect. Also, when we have (had) sex it felt great for me. We both like short sex with quick orgasm and not too much "gymnastics".
After my first marriage and before I met my wife, I had a really active sex life (more than 50 lovers in a couple of years). Something like a "loose cannon" phase. But to be honest I never really had great sustained erections and had a lot of problems with that. I could never "just fuck", I always need things to be "right" in my head about what I am doing. My male friends used to say that I have a "womans brain for sex".
Also, I was diagnosed with diabetes Type 1 in adult age so probably that too had an effect. But I always really wanted sex sooo much, it didnt matter if I was not always 100% "on the task". Off course, being an asshole at that time, when I would experience that with a girl I would stop seeing her. With some it was better, with some worse. It mostly depended (off course) how they looked naked (know this sounds awful but I am trying to be honest...).
In those crazy years I experienced all the stuff I wanted to experience in sex and somehow it just stopped being too important to me (in that childish way). With my wife I experienced real bond for the first time and it was completely different. But because of my constant PMO in parallel, and my not-too-hard-erections, and especially after we decided that we will not have more kids (she had some medical issues and we also lost one pregnancy), I started (continued in fact) to have ED quite often. After that there would be a long period of no sex followed by here "I will not be in such marriage" talk. Then I went and got some pills for E. And it worked for a couple of times but she didnt really like the idea that we have to plan having sex ahead and couldnt believe that I really need those pills.
So now it is really near the edge. We are still together because our little one is really attached to me and she knows that separation would break his heart. So in a way I still have some time (perhaps couple of months, maybe 6 at most).
The main "problem" as I see it is that my wife has no problem with porn and likes to sometimes use it as a stimulus (here and there). If I go porn free which I want to do and have started a week ago (no P no M, and still no O but plan to have it with my wife if it happens spontaneously), what should I do if she asks me to watch porn together and have sex?
I tried googling but could not find a similar case... how should that be handled?
I really have no problem (morally or otherwise) with my wife liking to watch porn... and I feel bad about saying anything to her at a moment where she wants to have sex with me (using porn as a "sex toy" of a sort).

 

Thx! To be completely honest, I must say that I don't see masturbation and porn as a bad thing in general. I think we are all different and respond in various ways to what's around. As with food, alcohol, recreative drugs, media consumption, computer games... I read somewhere that the main thing about sex and porn is whether one first had "good sex" with himself or with someone else. I know a lot of guys that watch porn but are not in any way addicted, simply because for them masturbation does not replace sex. Most of them are unfaithful to their spouses and don't find it a problem. They simply have that "I like sex" switch. I think my wife is also like that. She is really naturally sexual and completely relaxed in sex. So for her porn is like a game, like a sex toy. It does not make her mind wander and go away. As I am more of an intellectual/creative type, porn activates my imagination and I "go there" which is probably why it is so good for me (why it is so important and hard to kick).
Also what I realized recently is that all of my life I was looking for that "porn sex" and what's fucked up is that when I actually found it and had it a lot sex in general started to be much less important to me... and the worst thing is that I met my only true love, my wife, at that point of my life... Isn't karma a bitch.
I am now one week 7 days w/o PMO... we'll see how it goes
Thx for your response... good luck with your efforts.

 

Well, as I said I was completely honest and did not try to make my thoughts look nice to anyone. Yes, I think porn and masturbation are not a problem as in any kind of a black - white fairytale. Life is full of shades of grey. People are different. Not all is for everyone to enjoy on this planet. From the other side of the table, being a part of porn industry can also mean a lot of things for a lot of reasons. To get my message through, let me compare porn to alcohol or marihuana. Are they bad? Depends. Is producing and selling alcohol or marihuana bad? Depends. Then there are harder drugs where it is much easier to draw a line. The same with porn, could compare that to teenage or worse sorts of porn. But if someone wants to be filmed having sex with another persons, and is OK if other see that for whatever reason they wanna see it (probably to masturbate), where is the problem in that? Morality? Not buying. I am not justifying porn or masturbation in general, just saying that life is not that simple.
My marriage is a perfect example. My wife is a completely sexually normal person that was a virgin until 20something, didnt even masturbate. She is a "late bloomer" sort. When you see her high school photos you would think they are elementary school photos.
She started looking like a woman when she was 20, was completely "boyish" before.
Her interest in porn is pure curiosity. She can have sex normally and be full aroused and orgasm without porn. But for masturbation she likes porn.
With me it is different. I first loved porn and only later started to like real woman. So thats a huge difference. When porn enters ones life too early (again, can mean different age for different people...) it creates a special type of addiction. Just not the same...
Anyway, I am now in my 3rd NoFap week (no PMO) and we will see what happens next. Currently I feel like after some more time I will need no sex at all, real OR virtual. My guy down there seems just completely dead