I want to die :/

I don't want you to die.

 

I couldn't say that I'm almost the same. I've got allot of shit going on right now I'm pretty much almost broke, my insurance is harassing me, don't have a car, manager doesn't even favor my side of the story of me getting into it with a co worker last Sunday, not even responding to me about my situation today. I'm almost out of options, my girlfriend is dealing with shit at the moment as well.

What's stopping me is all the people that do give a shit about me even if it's just my family, god, and jesus, maybe one or two friends. People don't half to like me.

 

I have experienced 2 murders in my family and 1 attempted suicide of a relative. The attempted suicide was far more painful. I’m incredibly grateful he survived by some miracle. It felt like a betrayal of our whole family who loved him so much. Thankfully he is doing well now. The murders were horrible but at least they weren’t doing violence towards themselves.

 

I want to die also OP. I dont kill myself only because I know that wont get me to a better place. Society is gladly destroying itself and it makes me sick.

 

I know the feeling. People don’t realize the dangerous situation society is in. It also makes me ill and depressed worse than ever before

 

The way in which people are so gung ho about loving and cheering for destruction of themselves is driving me completely insane. I use weed all the time just to laugh at how sick and abhorrent the world is because its driven me so cracked I just spend most of my time trying to feel "ok" by laughing at everything go up in flames but in essence im being driven to complete madness.

 

:')

what is the "toxic world" you are talking about?

 

I'm 31 and I'm starting to just see how rough it is. In how people act so selfishly and indecent and they have no idea they're doing it to.

 

hey bro, don't do it, you have a lot things to experience, Idk what you lived, but remember you're what you do for what they did to you, and you can change all that shit, you're not what they did to you, you can change a lot, you can become in someone not necessarily a super pro, are a lot of ways to don't wanna die, find beauty in aspects of life, find something to love, find a lobby.
You are able to love!, and believe me that's one of the strongest things are in life, you can overcome fear, you can become a pro in a lot of things

 

we're so similar in age, do you love someone?
do you love something?
do you wanna reach something?

 

I was like you in a certain way, no able to keep eye contact with anybody, even with my family just a little, when people talking to me I used to don't keep my eyes in them, I gradually begun to go step by step, trying to look people even by a second, even for a milisecond, even where a moment when I hate get out of home, like 3 months, I was out of home but I wanted return home as soon as possible, wanted to keep my head down in the computer, playing video games all day long, I passed from being a guy who studied a lot, to not study nor a single hour, some days I kept the tears inside of me, cried for no reason, never wanted to die, but when I was seeing something I thought of a reason to die for that, it happend sometimes, but as I said, step, by step, from that super shy guy, now I even got a girl friend, I can keep eye contact for a lot of time, yeah I'm not super confident but I know I'm a human who is healing and who with the time will get better, I have a problem with the pronounciation of 3 words, I can't say those super easy words, since a lot of time before, no one knows, but inside I can't pronounce them right it's a fight against me every time, yeah is easier every time, but those words were super easy before, all people think I'm super extrovert, but they don't know I was super scared to talk them, and to know them,It was a fight against me for minutes until I decided to talk them, every day I have an inner battle, but that's what make us stronger, but before that, were a lot of fight were I couldn't make a move

 

you have something to love, that's great, if she loves you, then you should begin to act a little bit different with her, an special treatment for her and see how she acts, you'll notice connection if she loves you back, but sometimes you need to be courageous, that's the key of life, you're afraid it's super okay, it's better because you can prove yourself and be a brave guy, you'll break your limits, but don't make bad things, and btw womans love brave guys, that's how I got a girlfriend, and belive me, there are more asses than stars, but always give everything, some days I feel super shit but I said, I wanna get the best from myself even for a fucking moment, I wanna be happy even If I'm not, an smile will not hurt me, and I said "let's go motherfucker"