I want to date her but I don’t want to hurt her from what I did.

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by KarateGeorge, Apr 29, 2018.

  1. KarateGeorge

    KarateGeorge Fapstronaut

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    any advice from some one wiser, has been or seen a situation like this unfold or general advice would be greatly appreciated.

    So I want to make this nice quick and short for anyone who would like to help and even learn from this themselves.

    I’m a highschool senior soon to be in the fall a college freshman.
    Short story I met this girl (Name her “A” to clarify) I met “A” in JROTC raiders a type of afterschool heavy “boot camp” style like club. The way we I met “A” was by proximity as her friend liked me a lot, very simple for me to see that.

    Her friend wanted to date me and “A” was also very flirty herself as well and I choose to go for “A” as we had more in common , I thought she was more attractive, and was a very inexperienced girl who’s priority was academics and being in a position of authority let’s say in the program.

    As I heard from many others who knew “A” longer than I had I was told she’s a virgin, very innocent, very smart and so on you get the picture and I had very little chance of getting her because many upon many men have tried. To describe her she very TJICC very nice body beautiful face and innocent. I mean what guy wouldn’t want her. Most of the people who went for her failed and me being a cocky guy played my card right and “got her”.

    In the beginning of the “relationship” we started kissing and cuddling at school because I saw her only on a date once at the mall and the only time I see her is at lunch. we got to know each other more and more and she let me know some things such as her words here

    “she’s not looking for a boyfriend and I’m not her boyfriend she’s not my girl friend, her parents and brother would kill me (her mom is what I call a helicopter parent she’s very involved and very over protective and she’s part of the booster club for our JROTC program so she’s always around). That’s she is way to busy to have one from all her advanced placement classes her job in the JROTC program and son to have a boyfriend. she things I’m an Awsome guy and that before we go any further into our relationship she wanted me to know that)

    So we started a type of relationship we’re most people didn’t know but a few people did

    fast forward later after the school shooting In parkland Florida ( my school is very close to the tradegy and no one came to school the day after) it was me and her and we were at the point of heavy making out, breast grabbing, took off her bra, and so on and I sat her on my lap saying I was confident in the fact that she would be my girlfriend and she seemed to agree with me on that asking if I was sure.

    I was confused when she said not to long ago she didn’t want a boyfriend yet she was very comfortable for a relationship to develop.

    Fast forward to present month and we stopped making out no progress really from our relationship ( I suspect it’s bevause of my failed leadership in taking the relationship somewhere else) but she says the heavy making out , fingering and so on got boring. (I suspect she wants to have sex she’s comfortable with it from what i see)

    I tried to tell her we’re we stand now I see us going into a relationship. She says not to set my expectations high and we cant start a real relationship (go on dates, let her family know about us, so on)Until much later I think until she’s done with highschool herself, her being a junior and me being a senior.

    But with all this confusing mess we still kiss she tells me what’s going on with her life and we still connect.

    That being a month ago so we at the current moment still kiss and talk when ever I get to see her at lunch even that we don’t talk much at all.

    This is where the real problem starts. Another girl in JROTC I spent the day with her and some friends and as the night was coming to an end we started to make out and wanting to have sex.

    Call her “M”

    “M” herself is an inexperienced girl and as we were making out she said she couldn’t go any further because of my current somewhat fragmented relationship with “A”. (Don’t get me wrong I didn’t plan on going further for the reason is although the relationship with “A” is not an official relationship with nothing yet set I still considers it extremely unfair to “A” that i did this.

    “m” also upset because she herself is a some what friend of “A”.

    I discussed it with many people I was told for the most part it wasn’t cheating for the fact is she herself (“A”) is giving me mixed signals from the very beginning and that she is not my girlfriend just casually dating.

    I will be telling “A” about the even yet not telling her who the other girl was. I will be telling her after her AP exams and after all the JROTC events happen and when summer begins.

    The problem is I care about “A” not only do I not want to hurt her I wanted to make her my girlfriend at some point. I accept what I did will tell her and accept if she wishes to leave out some what relationship. I don’t expect her to forgive me but to understand why I did what I did from all the confusion I set myself up for from entering this mixed signal relationship with her.

    I can’t help but feel I may have ruined the potential of something great to come if I had led the relationship in a better way. I would love to have the relationship continue but that’s no longer up to me.

    I want to tell her “before we become official I have to tell you this”

    I have some hot questions

    How should I act around her until I tell her when the time comes?

    How do I let this down easily on her?

    Do you think she will care?

    Do you think she might have done the same with another guy from what I see she also like another guy

    I have many questions from This being so recent and have never been in this situation before.

    I’ve been left for other guys by previous girlfriends felt much pain but have no idea how this could hurt her and don’t wish it does.

    I will revise this if needed if you want further details let me know I’m open for anything.

    Thank you for who ever takes there time to help
     
  2. Abird

    Abird Fapstronaut

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    I dont get the whole story. There is a girl "A" and a girl " M". You like "A", but you can't have a official relation with her because of her parents? So the "unofficial" relation didn't last and you met "M". But "M" doesn't want a relation with you, because you have something with "A"?
     
  3. immadothis

    immadothis Fapstronaut

    just don't give a fuck and do what you want, just be honest and she will understand, care about your own feelings
     
  4. immadothis

    immadothis Fapstronaut

  5. KarateGeorge

    KarateGeorge Fapstronaut

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    Sorry man I wrote the story with out revising it much I’ll make sure to do that but hers the jist.
    Me and girl “A” met gave me reasons for a relationship to not happen
    •parents and brother
    •school/academics and leadership in program

    There was other reasons like “innocent” but that changed over time

    And no technically I’m still in the unofficial relationship with her but she’s been giving me mixed signals such as “not to get my expectations high for a relationship” and “we can go on dates much later”

    Me and girl “M” hanged out and got intimate and she said before we can go any further she want me to end things with girl “A” and then take her girl “M” on a date .and I feel bad because I feel I have ruined a potential relationship with girl “A”(the girl I care for) by hooking up with girl “M”.

    Girl “A” has basically shown signs of starting a relationship later on when she’s done with highschool next year but also to not set any expectations causing much confusion in my head on where I should take things.

    I’ve been told by friends that it’s not cheating, but a split between telling girl “A” or not telling her about the event
     
  6. KarateGeorge

    KarateGeorge Fapstronaut

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    I think that’s funny asf lmao I would if I didn’t care about girl “A” but I do that’s an issue
     
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  7. Abird

    Abird Fapstronaut

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    Well you have a girl that wants a relationship at this moment with you. And a girl that might want a relationship with you when she is done.
    You should do what feels right for you. If you don't care about girl M then don't start a relation with her, since a relationship you care about each other.

    If you do care about girl M, then you can start a relationship with her. THe only problem might be if the relation doesn't last girl A might say no to you.
    You should make clear to girl A what you expect. If this is being in a relation then let A go, if this is some other thing. THen ask yourself if girl A has this and if it is worth the wait.
    You are not sure that girl A wants a relation with you. So if she is giving you mix signals talk about them.

    Mainly you are dealing between two greater goods, but your point of view will make the difference! Will you wait and risk not getting relation with A (then you wasted A and M) or will you try to get a relation with M (then you might wasted A). I use the term wasted as I have no idea how to call it.
     
    KarateGeorge likes this.
  8. SheMonk

    SheMonk Fapstronaut

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    I was in a similar situation very recently. I am currently casually dating a guy for almost 5 months now. We are unofficial as per agreement a few months ago, although things are rather serious now and we are basically a public couple now, but have yet to have the talk again and put a label on it, if at all. But we are still technically single both of us and thus free to do whatever we want with other people. I think it's the same in your situation; you worry about hurting "A", but you are not exclusive so she is not entitled to feel upset. Tell her if you want to, otherwise just let it be and perhaps tell her later if she asks. But until you have a mutual agreement to be in an exclusive relationship, you have the right - or whatever - to make out with whoever else. But if you feel bad after making out with other people, then just accept that and don't do it again.
     
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  9. KarateGeorge

    KarateGeorge Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for that response as it’s good to get it from some one in the same situation.

    Ive gotten over it as I’ve decided if girl “A” really wanted me she would do some different things compared to the actions she’s recently doing. I’ve decided that she has many attributes physically and mentally I look for in a girl but I have the power to walk away to keep an abundance mentality in my head and not waste any more time.

    I’ve have not talked to or seen “M” since then but once I decided I’ve had enough of “A” when I make my final decision( I don’t want to jump the gun to quick yet ) I’ll take some time off and talk to “M” again.

    It sucks if I do lose “A” because many reasons, but I’ll see how she acts around me not much longer until I decide I should see some one else and not turn into a needy bitch chasing after a girl.

    Thanks for the response tho
     
  10. SheMonk

    SheMonk Fapstronaut

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    You're welcome. ;)

    But I completely understand. I don't care for chasing people with a lower investment in the relation than I care for. I wish you good luck with the situation.
     
    KarateGeorge likes this.
  11. Man, A wants it, she wants less talk and more action, go for it, make a beautiful secret plan to give A a great experience and do it, she will smile forever... M can wait...lol
     
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  12. KarateGeorge

    KarateGeorge Fapstronaut

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    Lmao I’m on the same page with that man
     

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