I told my husband that i have been abstaining from pmo because I realized that I have aporn addiction, and it was snowballing. needless to say, it didn't go well. He thinks I had either cheated or am cheating. I'm broken now....
What is your intention of telling him? Is it for Transparency/Honesty? and/or were you expecting anything from him like support, understanding, provide human intimacy to repair/rewire your brain? What harm do you think PA is doing to you? Was it hurting your life, sexual experience? and/or was it hurting your life with SO, both sex and general? What is the end goal you intend to achieve through reboot? Please ponder on these questions. And think whether you did a good job of communication all of this when you told him... Was the message COMPLETE and COMPREHENSIVE?
The utter lack of support and also not believing you is very difficult. I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe you should direct him to a site like yourbrainonporn or something. If he just outright thinks you've been cheating ... then maybe something is going on with him that he's not telling you. Maybe he's projecting. I don't know. Have you thought about seeking marriage counseling?
@StarMarMag I'm sorry for what you're going through. You've read journals of other PAs here? The first disclosure almost never goes well. Granted most are the other way around with the genders, but the SO almost always has hard time with it. They feel betrayed, cheated on, hurt, confused and more. I know it doesn't help much, but your experience seems pretty normal tbh. It's rare that the SO is immediately understanding and forgiving and supportive. It may happen, it may not. The bottom line for us PAs is that we have to take on this fight ourselves and find the help and support we need. We frequently don't get it from those we love and have hurt. Wishing you the best.
Is he saying that you using porn is cheating or that he does not believe you are addicted to porn and that you are actually cheating? How did he make that jump?
Some passing thoughts: Was wondering if (a) there was any history of either party cheating in the past which could lead to distrust now. Also, he may be thinking "If she's not interested in having sex with me, it's easier for her to tell me she has a problem than a boyfriend." And he may actually be very embarrassed about the revelation itself. I talked with two co-workers the other day - both female - who were incredulous that porn addiction was even a problem. There are still a lot of people who are oblivious to this issue. Regardless @StarMarMag, know that you have support here.
