I suck at pursuing women

Hey man, I understand the problem. Doing nofap has definitely helped to deal with this.

So it seems like the problem comes from getting your validation from women. If they put you in the position of wanting them, they gain power and validation for themselves. I think you might be using the attention of women as self-validation, essentially gaining self-esteem through how others view you (particularly women). This is why when they lead you on it becomes agonizing because now your self-esteem is contingent upon their shows of affection; the more they dangle it in front of you the more you need it to be happy.

The best thing that has worked for me (because I never realized I was like this before the addiction really set in) is not caring about what women think of you. Being comfortable with being single is profoundly liberating. You'll have to learn how to provide yourself with validation and not use physical attraction or attractiveness as a factor for your personal growth.

For example, I haven't had sex yet (virgin) and I'm 22. When I started nofap, it was tough because I was telling myself that I was worthless until I had sex, and that I was so behind everyone else. Over time, I realized there's a distinct reason why I haven't had any real relationships (PMO addiction) and that moving along the path of nofap and giving up porn would cause that to work itself out in its own way.

Sure, it's tough as hell and the changes happen slowly, but you have to not only rewire the way your brain views sex, but also the way you look at life. Life isn't about telling your friends you had this hot chick in your bed, it's about you having fun and feeling fulfilled, and how you can best move along that path. Fuck what other people think.

Trust me, girls respond well to a guy who is just having fun on his own. You become much less needy when you can show that you don't need a girl to be happy and that you love life. Hope this helps, good luck.

 

Dude kosh32, it took me a long time to realize that, and I'm still realizing that. I feel like I need other people's approval and validation to be fully satisfied and I hate that about myself. Even after I got with a girl, I was like yes. Now I don't need to impress anyone, I can be myself around anyone. But even then I still sometimes find myself needing someone elses approval. It drives me crazy and I'm trying to end it and last time, the best I got away from that feeling was when I was past like 20 days pmo. Idk dude, I relate to both of you in a sense, and honestly, just getting away from pmo helped me enjoy life better and I miss that feeling. I got more confident and cared less about what other people thought, and only tried to impress her, and she loves me enough that there's nothing I need to do to impress her if that makes sense.

To sonic, I really think not going after the girl is key. I know how it feels to be lonely, how it feels to be desperate, and how it feels to need or want a girl in your life. I know its tough trying to not go after girls, but not giving a shit and just trying to fill your life with other things, keep busy and eventually the girl will come into your life. And by that time, even if she does take a long time to come into your life , you might be happy doing other things, and that girl will make things even better.