I screwed up

Hello brothers,

This might be a long post, but I hope it is worth it. I want to talk about my situation and my experience with nofap. I have been married for a year now with a beautiful 3 months old daughter. I knew about nofap “but not about PIED which is my main problem” 2 months before my marriage. I gave it a try at my first attempt I failed, I blamed it on anxiety and stress as it was a long day, meaning the wedding of course. Second day was great. I managed to penetrate my wife. And continued having good sex life for about 40 days. Then I started getting back to my old nasty P habits, then boom, the next time I tried having sex I couldn’t get it up. Stayed like that for around three weeks. Thats when I learned about PIED. fortunately it got fixrd. To keep it short, My sex life was basically 1 month of complete failure and depression, and a couple of good sex. What made me confused is that I sometime can manage to have sex after relapsing, but then the PIED shows it self later. Fast forward to January 2021. My wife gave birth and I had to wait 40 days before intercourse. I screwed up at the 39th day and relapsed. Isn’t that embarrassing. I somehow didn’t have the PIED and was able to penetrate. That was a big relief and after actually seeing my daughter I took a vow to never PM again. Which this time I actually managed to stick to. Unfortunately, my last having a successful intercourse was the one right after the 40 days. I am now in huge depression despite actually reading tons of success stories. I overdossed on all kind of boner pills without even 10% erection. I do love her and find her attractive, but my PIED seems too severe. sadly I went to test my self with a hooker and I also couldn’t get it up “was happy actually to know that it is not only happening to my wife”. I am a horrible person. I cheated on my wife, but that was all for the sake of fixing this problem. I know that I have to wait, but waiting with someone who is confused and desperate is KILLING me. I also cannot tell her about my problem due to cultural reasons where I live. It will almost certainly means divorce. This post isn’t to complain, I am here seeking help. I just had my hormones levels checked today out of desperation even though I am sure It’s not a hormonal thing. Test results will be shown tomorrow. I will include the list of things that I am doing that I think helps me rewiring my brain, and please add/correct anything:

1- full body workouts 6 times a week revolving around compound exercises with low reps (5 years lifter)

2- 7-8 hours of sleep a night

3-eating 70% healthy

4- taking every herb known to man kind. Maca-tribulus-fenugreek-longjack-ashwaghanda-yohimbe-ginseng, and 10 others that I cannot name.

5- b6 and magnesium, omega3, and a multivitamin.

6- kissing and hugging my wife 1 to 2 times a week as I think it helps with me forcing my brain to get aroused as PIED is an arousal issue. Alongside one sex attempt weekly which all failed for the past 50 days or so. I don’t count.

I am so screwed that when 300mg of the blue pill doesn’t work, while I remember 25g gave me a baseball pat boner.

 

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