Hi there, My introduction to internet pornography began around the age of 12. It has been 21 years of indulging in really disgusting behaviour (I'm now 33). I have wasted so much of my life viewing internet garbage, serial dating, and even going so far as to engage in dangerous behaviours (unprotected). I have a track record of horrible relationships and it has cost me so much both emotionally and financially. I look around and see how lots of my friends and family got their lives together while I remained stuck . I feel hopeless but I am going to give this all I have left and maybe my life will improve.
so happy for your self-consciousness friend, it is important to have the desire to change. Don't give up, let's go!
Welcome, I'm around the same age, and had pmo/sex addiction for years. However, I thank God I found nofap. There's a lot of help here in this community. So be strong and keep fighting.
Welcome to the site! You will find that if you don't free yourself from these chains, you will continue to be stuck. Glad you are opening up and trying to change. You will find many helpful posts and people here. Start discussing the issues and asking questions as you are ready/as they come up and search the forums for the answers... I wish you luck and I'm praying for your success and healing!
Hey Delirious and the rest of you beautiful people, I really like how you phrased the struggle as "chains to be set free from." I don't think my story is that unique which is more frightening in my opinion than if it was. I was raised in a good home and taught good values... but something changed in me during my teen years. I never took the time to develop my sense of self worth and instead used PMO to cope with stress and rejection. It's as if I stunted myself spiritually and emotionally at that point (I most likely did). Life continued to progress.... relationships did flow into my life but once again I never felt comfortable in them.. or that I was actually able to give myself fully to that person (but I believe if we do not value ourselves it makes it really difficult to truly love someone else). My "dark secret" definitely escalated... and behaviours in real life became reckless.... cheating on partners, having unprotected encounters, objectifying others and also being objectified.... I remember a quote from the movie "Four Brothers" in which it was stated "if you knock on enough doors eventually the devil will answer".... something to that effect. My relationship with friends suffered and also my academic performance in school which has resulted in serious employment struggles that I will hopefully be able to address as healing comes.... my only focus was on being in relationships and feeding my addiction without considering the long term consequences. It is actually a joke among my circle of buddies that I am the real life "Good luck Chuck" because the vast amount of women I have been involved with all married the next guy after me... in a way that makes sense... in your 20s if your serious about dating than it progresses... but I also think there is a sadness in that... that I was so toxic that anything would have been better. I don't want to come off as preachy... but something has changed... and I believe I do have the ability to live a life completely different from the one I have created over the last 21 years.... but it is going to take fighting everyday and I am so thankful to this community already for the support being shown. Certain things I have really noticed is that I believe PMO can numb a person out from experiencing their emotions.... but I am not sure if there is any evidence of this... I look forward to really exploring the site. I also don't know if anyone can relate... but it didn't matter how "good" my relationship was or how amazing the person I was with was... I couldn't really enjoy it at all and took it for granted.... I am an average looking guy but I did manage to meet some beautiful women and I can also say that because of simply objectifying women I encountered experiences with women that were very unhealthy (other end of the spectrum)... but it didn't matter... it was about novelty seeking versus anything else. I blocked a lot of this out.... I think for a variety of factors... anyway sorry for the rant. I am interested in building on resources and getting to know others in a healthy way on this site so if you want to chat please send me a message.
you are absolutely right! you can live a full, happy, and healthy life after this metamorphosis. Keep fighting! This is also absolutely true. In fact, I feel that may be why most of us do it...to escape emotion, boredom, stress, commitment, or time alone with ourselves to think (about things, about ourselves, about God). I am trying to make a commitment to some silence and alone time on a daily basis to listen to what God has to say to me, no to listen to whatever my own head or the devil's voice tells me. I think it is really helping significantly. Being closer to God and following His will for me brings so many more blessings on me than following MY way....
