I need some help

you can fight back , the urges will leave you eventually . do what you can to stay sober . you can do it friend ! dont give up

 

These are the toughest times, when your fetishes start to try to take control over you. You have to train your brain that this is bad, and that is how you will beat the urges. You have trained your brain that these fetishes are a source for dopamine, which excites you, so that’s why the urge is so strong, you crave for that dopamine high, you must keep it bottled in until a flatline hits or your brain closes that pathway.

Stay strong bro, you fought to get where you are, imagine how you would feel starting over at day one.

 

That's your brain messing with you, and that's the moment you have to be the strongest and say "NO! Shut up, brain, I'll go for a walk, read a book, watch a movie, listen to music, etc." instead. Find alternative things to do whenever you get flashes. DO SOMETHING to distract yourself.

 

Get away from computers and smart phones immediately and go outside or go drive around. My favorite thing to do when the urges come is to go to my local stores I shop at and get distracted with looking at anything and everything. Sometimes I find some good buys too so its like killing 2 birds with one stone..kill the urges and get supplies. I like to call it "gathering time," because I gather my thoughts and gather some goods. When I arrive back at home I'm focused on what I bought and distract myself again immediately by calling a friend or getting stuff done on my list, whether it be dishes, laundry, tinkering around the house, or even working overtime on a project for a client. Planning is key in order to defeat this ugly beast known as PMO.

 

I have gotten a lot of good advice over the years for tools to deal with triggers, fantasy etc (I call all of it together, all selfishness about sex, lust just to keep from having to use a million words). And tools are not enough for me. They help, sometimes they're all I need, but at the end of the day how to stay sober at 4 am: not tools. How to stay sober (I'm assuming we're addicts with pm+ as the drug wanting sobriety) when I'm just looking up a movie script and all of a sudden porn pops up? Not a long discussion about how I should have had blocking blah blah, doesn't help after the fact. Basically I'm saying humans can't exert full control. It's funny, that was about a year ago I was looking up the script for The Dark Knight and I assume it was porn it sure seemed like it in the milliseconds that I saw it (there's a difference between looking and seeing I was taught, nothing I say about getting free from this addiction is original to me, if I had the answers on my own I would have just stopped on my own back before the new millennium ). And thankfully I had been taught not to take that lightly not to look but to go practice tools and then some. The ironic part is I was looking up that script because I think a lot of what it says applies to my thinking as an addict, in particular "Schemers trying to control their little worlds." And I really enjoyed being able to happily click out instantly, I was surprised that it was so quick I'm not sure what exactly I saw so briefly I think there was nudity but I didn't see long enough all I know is there was a lot of skin and of course given how much porn I watched in the past I know the style there are other visual cues that are immediately clear. The issue isn't so much what I see as what I think and how I relate to all that, my experience is if I fight, get prideful, start to pet the tiger of desire, all of these are things I will get increasingly unhappy with and be unable to stop, like a train at full speed.
tools only do but so much, if I really want to go back to it I will eventually and I'll be increasingly uncomfortable to the point of miserable as I put off the inevitable. I was taught to get comfortable with the discomfort. Not in a prideful way like "oh I've been sober so long and it's so difficult but I muscle through it and hit my marks to inspire younger guys" or some such bologna. More like acceptance. If I could get rid of thoughts and uncomfortable feelings I would but I can't, as far as I can tell. And there may be a reason for that. Regardless, acceptance is as simple as living in reality instead of fantasy. Of course there is sexual fantasy but sometimes I am able to give that up myself and sometimes not, what I resist persists and I didn't even put that fantasy in my head in the first place so how can I get it out by myself?

Anyways, my point is "urges are getting stronger and screaming louder" is totally normal for an addict, I know it happens to me routinely. I know a lot of people have long periods with no interest in anything sexual but that's not my experience and thank goodness it doesn't have to be. There is a way to live happily not having to participate in active addiction indefinitely. The idea of control goes against the definition of an addict. Thank goodness I don't have to control it, acceptance is a big part of the answer. A thought like any other thought is just a thought. There's a lot more than can help but that does pretty deep towards the core of the solution. Giving up is not the same as quitting any more than it's the same as giving in. This isn't a self improvement project for me, that would be self will and pride and I know how I feel about other people if I get even a whiff of pridefulness from them. I wouldn't be able to stand myself I often felt suicidal over pm+ when I was in active addiction, the answer to shame is not pride it is to get off the spectrum of "I'm good no I'm bad no I'm good" to get out of the whole question into another mode of being.

Hope this helps people, certainly that is my intention I am inspired by the sincerity I hear here in the journey of getting free together.

 

RUN , seriously just drop your phone or whatever you're doing and start running or do pushups. Any exercise will help as long as the urge gets obliterated. When you exercise your brain produces good chemicals and will stop asking dopamine which is the root cause for of the disease. And when you're done with this activity just start contemplating over something which drives you away from it , like your life goals or anything which should increase your will power.