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I need advice

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Franz Ludwig, Feb 17, 2021.

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  1. Feb 17, 2021 #1
    Franz Ludwig

    Franz Ludwig Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

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    Intro
    My name is Franz, I'm 21 and I'm from germany.
    I started with NoFap when I was 18 after roughly 5 years of PMO. In retroperspective this probably hindered my sexual developement pretty hard.

    Circumstances
    1. At the beginning of the pandemic and the lockdowns I was going strong with a high streak.
    2. I fell massively in love with a girl, which also helped me getting trough the summer without any PMO problems.
    3. But she rejected me at the same time when the second lockdown started and winter was around the corner. This was around 3 months ago.
    4. Fortunately my parents and friends were there to help me - I'm very thankful for having them.
    5. Since then I had only streaks of around 15 to 30 days. Well, I did M but without P, except for once.
    6. Well, I'm 21 and seemingly on the peak of my sexual energy. This is a problem, because there are not many thing currently where I can channel my sexual energy in. And it's massive, I can barely control it.
    7. Now I'm again on my own, but the end of the current lockdown seems reachable now. I'm also able to see my friends again.
    8. Also I'm not able to attend any kind of organized sport-classes. In particular I can't attend Karate classes.

    So, what happend?
    Today afternoon I was really exhausted and stressed out. Well, and I did some sports in my room (home-workout), which made me sexually aroused. This was the start of a ~1h M-session. This was a very sensual experience - I was discovering my body with M unlike ever before. I did this without P. Unnecessary to say, that I ended my streak of 40 days.
    After all I must also say, that I enjoyed it. And it did well in relieving some pressure of course.

    What's left?
    There's fear - I'm afraid af, that some kind of addiction can crawl back into my life. Im worried that I summoned again the deamons.

    What is it?
    Is it like I am now discovering a for me new type of sexuality, I was unable to discover in my teens due to my addiction? Or was I just overwhelmed by emotions and stress, so that I gave in - and did a bad job in resisting? Did I fail in channeling my energy elsewhere?

    What can I do?
    - I'd identify the main problem in having too much sexual energy. The ultimate cure for this is doing sports - so I'll go running I guess.
    - But also it could be I'm mentally not strong enough to resist. Do I have to strengthen my willpower? (I'm doing cold-showers for continously 40 days btw.)
    - But I also think, that I could do more in avoiding tempting situations.

    I need advice
    I'm currently reasonably confused.
    It's definitely a difficult time for us to stay healthy and clean.

    What are your thoughts about this?
    What would you do in my position?

    Please let me know!


    Stay strong, brothers!
    Franz

    EDIT:
    Also what I could also do is searching for an accountablity-partner. Do anyone of you have experience with that? Is it helpful?
     
    Last edited: Feb 17, 2021
    Franz Ludwig, Feb 17, 2021
    Franz Ludwig, Feb 17, 2021
    #1
    BeezMeUp and WhyNotStop like this.
  2. Feb 18, 2021 #2
    WhyNotStop

    WhyNotStop Moderator
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    First and foremost let me tell you congrats for staying clean for such a long time, being in a relationship definitely helps staying away from porn.

    This is my personal opinion and current position on masturbation so please take it with a grain of salt. I used to believe masturbation was harmful, that it slowed down my process. It does indeed slow down the recovery process, but if done correctly it can help benefit. Guys our age need some sort of sexual relapse... naturally this comes in the form of sex. Unfortunately due to the current conditions this may not be possible.

    To make a long explanation short... I believe that masturbation as long as it’s done correctly is not harmful.

    How can you “do it” correctly? First... don’t do it too often to the point where it’s just another addiction... do it when you absolutely need a sexual release. Maybe that can be one to two times per week. Second... while “doing it” picture what real sex with a real partner in your life would be like. DO NOT EDGE. No Death-grip. No crazy porn fantasy nor fetish.

    I recognize this is a very touchy and dangerous subject... but please bare with me. It’s always better to “let one out” with just M than to do a full on PMO session. Our minds also process things imagined and actual occurring events the same way... meaning you can, if done correctly, prepare yourself for real sex with a partner by imaging sex with a real partner.
     
    WhyNotStop, Feb 18, 2021
    WhyNotStop, Feb 18, 2021
    #2
  3. Feb 18, 2021 #3
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    That it is. Try your best to stick to your plans. Find other means and habits to busy yourself. And about your experience. Just do your best not to fall into the same pattern or else you're doomed to fail. Remember that you won't be getting that 1 hour back and you just wasted it on your D. Having an AP that reminds you to stay clear of shit is helpful.
     
    Deleted Account, Feb 18, 2021
    Deleted Account, Feb 18, 2021
    #3
  4. Feb 18, 2021 #4
    Randy Andy

    Randy Andy Fapstronaut

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    Hi Franz,
    Glad you're here, it can be very confusing. Life in general can be confusing and pm+ in general and especially if you're an addict like I am.
    You're asking the right questions, go with listening to people's experience rather than their ideas and you can take what seems most helpful and leave what didn't seem like it'll work.
    You had asked "What would you do in my position" and I was tempted to start talking about what been working for me for a long time but the truthful answer if I look at my actual experience is when I was twenty one what I did was several more years of giving in to the addiction. I didn't find a solution until I was twenty six, I just thought that was luck but it has to do with desperation. Take here on this website, you often hear "I really need help" and "I'm desperate" and "this is really serious I will never do x y z again" and then counters get reset "but I'm not gonna give up hope." I know what that's like, I never had a "streak" from ages ten to twenty six I was just using pm+ with a few little breaks in between. I think there's a few things going on one is we're sincere we just don't know how to stop, we try a lot of high powered stuff in our attempts to stop and we try hard it's just not enough to really get free for good it only works for a little while. I'm glad no one told me exercise would keep me from needing sexual stimulation because I might have believed them. I was already basically trying that as a fix in high school and I used to run several miles then go use right afterwards.
    The root of my problem is selfishness. It isn't nice to treat people as if they were objects and it's out of touch with reality, the reality is they are people like me. I don't say that to mean "just understand this and you'll be fixed" I don't even know if it's relevant to anyone but me I'm just sharng my experience in life, both actively addicted life and life as a sober addict (not having had to use pornography etc for years).

    Speaking of experience, you'd asked if anyone has experience with an AP. I tried APs and what happened for me was I would use pornography, tell my AP, then for a few days not use, then use, then tell my AP, and after enough times of that I didn't think it was doing anything to tell so I wouldn't. Then after a year or two id try a different AP, same thing. Kept trying cause I just didn't know what else to do. Turns out there is a more useful way to involve other people in my recovery :)
     
    Randy Andy, Feb 18, 2021
    Randy Andy, Feb 18, 2021
    #4
  5. Feb 18, 2021 #5
    Franz Ludwig

    Franz Ludwig Fapstronaut
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    Thank you for your replies guys!

    It's definetly a valid point, that we need a sexual relief. Also do I think that giving in to this relief with just M rather than doing full PMO is much healthier.
    But also on the other hand the danger of slipping back into the addiction definitely exists. You got to be really careful with this, and need to adjust this kind of thinking to your own situation.

    In my case, I will stick to my long term goal to stay clean and cultivating healthy relationships - although it might be currently difficult.

    Orgasms are a thing which is designed for having sex, not M.
    Also the benefits of not doing it are clearly observable.

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
    All the best,
    Franz
     
    Franz Ludwig, Feb 18, 2021
    Franz Ludwig, Feb 18, 2021
    #5

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