I might have lost a huge opportunity because of this addiction

I prepared myself for a little over three months in the hopes of securing a job that would significantly improve my quality of life. It took a lot of effort from me, especially because I work full time as a teacher and don't have much free time. I would study whenever I had a short break: after arriving home from work, on my way to work while on the bus, etc.

The challenging part is that, initially, I succeeded in my goal. I performed well in the initial stages of the selection process and was considered one of the favorites. However, I let a personal challenge significantly diminish my chances of getting the job. I was going through a relapse binge at that moment, and it led me to procrastinate on some essential tasks in the final stages of the selection process. I've just realized how I might have lost this opportunity simply because I couldn't overcome this challenge.

I don't even know how to feel yet. I think I feel lonely, defeated, and empty. It's a pretty bleak situation right now, and I just needed to share this somewhere.

TL;DR: Spent three months preparing for a life-changing job opportunity, studying during teaching breaks. Did well initially but struggled with procrastination and relapse issues, possibly losing the chance. Feeling lonely, defeated, and empty now.