Hi. First of all before I start with my story, I need you guys to bare with my english. I’m not that good with it. This will be a long post and I really hope you guys will read it because I’m just like one of you who needs one another. Ok to begin with, I started discovering fapping when I was 12. I got curious and ofcourse, I started to catch feelings and get attracted with girls at my school. My mates at school would start teasing each other about fapping and how the other girls look so pretty. Innocence also started to fall off. By that time, I already knew porn but I was afraid to watch it at my home. I fapped and fapped only to pictures of girls at my school. I was instantly addicted! I do it like 2-4 times a day. Whenever I have the chance to be alone at my room. (Because i was with my brother and mom) I fapped and I fapped and I fapped and I fapped througout the weeks, months, and years. I feel weak, I feel shy, I feel that I dont want to socialize, I always feel exhausted, I always feel sleepy. I feel lazy. Im not motivated to do anything unless I’m infront of my computer. I spend most of my time infront of my desktop. I was sad to even think about my early days. I havent got the chance to do cool stuff like be a badass at school. Or maybe be a cool guy who everyone want to b be friends with. But I know, and the always say, that I have the guts, the looks, the brain and the aura. I just dont feel like it because I was very addicted to fapping and it drained all my energy. When I was in junior high. I met a girl. And I know it was this called puppy love but hell yeah it was my first time feeling it so I made a relationship with her. That time I always fantasize about her because we were kids and our parents were strict and we couldnt be alone together. But most of the time we were talking were we where in each other’s homes so my addiction my unconciously been lessen. I met my friends who would have I known that they would be my friends for life. I began to socialize. Make friends. Be active at school. (I even became top student) I was really active.. school events, hanging out after school, smiling, laughing, enjoying the remaining days of highschool. And I did. I was a cool guy. But it was only until the summer of junior year where my ex gf broke up. I was really sad. I said to myself that I would change myself. I started to workout but not that much because I was also addicted to online mmorpg games and as the days go by, fapping rose again. My energy drops again. I started developing pimples on my face. My friends noticing the vibe that I was changing day by day. I wasn’t the cool guy anymore. I started browsing porn (because I thought I was age appropriate) and became instantly addicted to it. I lost all my will to do shits and fapping devoured me as a human. It was like drugs (tho i havent tried it but the kind of people you see in videos and television that they arent functioning well because of addiction) FAPPING WILL EAT YOUR SOUL. It will destroy your thought about life, it will destroy your will to live a meaningful life, it will destroy your chance to be someone who you’re meant to be, it will destroy your dreams. College came by and on my first year. My acne was so bad. I feel so sad each time I look at the mirror because I was this, they say, heartrob boy who secretly crushes by the girls. Im not bragging hahaha. By they say it. Even when we were hanging out together after highschool remeniscing. But each time I look at the mirror now, I was a waste. You wont believe what I would say next but, I borrowed my mom’s foundation and conviced her that I will start using it at my everyday life at college until it was all clear. I was desperate because I’m not the guy who’s what they call pizza face. Sht. But yeah I have no choice. Tru the days, I’m still fapping and fapping and fapping and one day, my dad left us. I had to stopped my first year at college. I had no choice. I stopped for one year and became even more addicted to fapping. I think no one saves me but myself right? Odds arent in favor of me. My self esteem became TOOOOO LOW. I rarely go out. I am always at home. Acne got worst and it’s the thing that really bothers me. It was those really sad days. My friends were all enjoying collefe with their non-addiction life with fapping. I could imagine that life now while typing. One day, I started to think, randomly, what if I stopped this fapping thing? I did. Just two weeks. Then, the next week, there was a bad news that my bestfriend’s dad passed away. They held a burial that gathered my highschool mates. We met again and had a mini reunion and then say what? Throughout the night, they complimented my looks and just really talking to me like talking talking with close attention to what I say. I dont know what happened to me but thats when I stopped fapping for 2 weeks! I guess you wont believe it but it was 3 years ago now and I could not forget that moment. I did said that I had dark days throughout my first year at college and when the year that I had to stop but that day, I was enlightened. It was the NoFap Effect. But ofcourse, I diddnt knew that it was the NoFap effect. So, two week break done, I started to fap again. Funny right? I fapped and I fapped and I fapped and my acnes are getting back. They are bad and getting much worse. Same shits, low self esteem, low energy, low will, low motivation, and OH I FORGOT. I started developing allergic rhynitis which I ddint have before. Hahaha. We all thought it was because of the hair of my dog. But 3 years after when I started doing fapping research, it was this weakening of immune system day by day of fapping. Haha. It doesnt just effect my personality, character, outside looks, but also the inside parts of my body. It was really a doom. But ofcourse that time, I didn’t know it was because of fapping. I enrolled again at a university when things got okay and started studying again. At my first day. I wore foundation. It was funny that I needed that. I was so low at (all the things that I mentioned and couldn’t mention because it was too many). I struggled and I needed to survive day by day. I’m sure guys that arent addicted to fapping do not experience what I feel. But I’m sure you guys here in NoFap, somehow, understand me. I did well at school but some days, or I say, most days like thrice a week, I feel very lazy and unmotivated. But when deadlines are coming up. I was the one to finish. They say I’m one of the good coder in our batch. I’m a computer science student btw. But yeah, that’s what they say but I always disregard and just FAP my way tru. Hahahaha. Disgusting boy I am. My acne got worst. I decided to stop wearing foundation and go to a derma. Fuck. It hurts a lot. The process and everything. It was a three months of medication and discipline. But ofcourse I am still fapping. I became clear for three months. I did antibiotic and a lot of creams. But after three months that I stopped, the next month, it freaking came back. I was full of acne again. Every semester I decided to go to derma to clear my face and it’s always coming back after. It was just a temporary help. One day on our sem break. I was so desperate and I think back on the days when my face was clear. It was the day of my bestfriend’s dad burial that I stopped fapping for 2 weeks. I STARTED DOING RESEARCH NOW. I discovored NoFap. I read tru the forums and all the guys that were like me. It was the heaven site for me because I wasnt the only one!!! I thought it was only me. I started doing NoFap. And hell yeah. After two weeks, miracle happened. My face was getting clear. There were SOOOOO many attempts and I always failed. My longest streak was 90 days. It was the best feeling and I always think about it. It was year 2017 when I did that. I’m 22 now, and I’m still attempting to do NoFap for 2 years. And I always fail. FOR 2 FREAKING YEARS OF TRYING. SERIOUSLY. I am so addicted that until now.. TODAY. I fapped. And again, attempting to really succeed in NoFap. It was all coming back. All the things the I feel and it is becoming worse and worse and worse. I am a 22 yrs old guy, graduating student but doesnt feel like it. Looking 17 kid. Face is covered with acne and marks, weighs like a 16yr old boy, unmotivated, lost, unskilled, doesn’t look like an adult, and so much more to mention.. really.. i was stuck on the day I was addicted to fapping. Oh and I forgot to mention, when I was 20 yrs old. I had my first sex with the president of student council at school after I did the 3 months of NoFap. (See what it does to you??) BUT FUCK. I got errectile dysfunction. I was so embarrassed that time. It is because of massive porn use. I know I know. I know of all of it now. I just have to change myself. I am really aware of everything now. NOW, I MARK THIS DAY. I AM POSTING MY STORY BECAUSE I THINK THIS WOULD HELP ME RELEASE ALL OF THE THINGS I FELT DURING FAPPING ADDICTION. I WILL OFFICIALLY START MY JOURNEY WITH THE NEED OF YOUR HELP GUYS. I WANT TO CHANGE MY LIFE AND I HAVE PROOF, WE ALL DO, THAT NoFap DOES IT TO US. NO MORE EXCUSES, NO MORE LIES TO OURSELVES, NO MORE NO MORE NO MORE. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING MY STORY. DAY 1 LEZFUCKINGGAW
I'll keep it brief: Your story is somewhat similar to mine. I experienced similar things. But don't start insulting yourself. That does not help. It makes you feel more ashamed for a short time, but that's all it does. The good news, in my opinion, is you are much younger than me. How I wish I had discovered this when I was younger! It would have been a huge turning point in my life. Anyway, take it day by day. Don't waste time insulting yourself - it doesn't work. Stay strong and stay connected to people who want you to succeed. Successful people know about failure better than anyone else. You know what you want and you know how to do it. You can do it.
Thank you so much I really appreciate your response. Guess I was so disappointed to my self for so long that I also felt ashamed. Thank you. How bout you? How old are you and and how’s this life changing thing going? I’d be glad to hear some happenings on you journey too!
I also started on Saturday. I started a bunch of healthy habits this month (I know, typical New Year's resolution BS), and I've been exercising more, eating less, and reading a lot more. I decided I'd try NoFap intentionally for the first time, and add it to the list. My initial goal is 30 days. Let's see how it goes. By the way, I've found that a habit tracker works well. Have a list of the thing you want to do (or not do) and at the end of the day make a mark if you accomplished it. You can find a lot of examples if you google "habit tracker". (I can't add links now since I'm a new member and don't have permission) I made my own in Evernote just using a table. Stay strong.
I’ll try that habit tracker starting now! I’m thinking to do daily exercise like push ups, squats and jogging. I havent much doing exercise because I lack motivation but hell yeah, it is all about diving in to your own mindset. I’ll also be sharing that I come from a circle of E-sports athlethes (some are already professionals) and I might strive for it too after I graduate this May, since we got potential and E-sports is getting bigger and bigger. I had a very hard time maintaining school and e sport practices and leagues for the last couple of months, since every vacant time, I look at porn and we already know the effect of it. It stags your full potential as a human being. I’m really glad to hear from someone on the same day mate. Let’s keep this going and going.
You should join me in the thread called "[30-CHALLENGE] THE THIRTY DAYS CHALLENGE !" Post an update there every day.
DAY 4 Unmotivated again. Mood swings. Idk why. Still managed to do my daily shits though. I’m satisfied with my accomplishments this day.
DAY 5 Still going for it. Very little urges I get for browsing tru social media but I did’nt mind. I wanna have rest and chill today because it’s so cold (I live in an asian country) but I need to have progress in my thesis. I don’t lack motivation today though but I wanna chill. I also started to drink vitamis like zinc supplement, glutathione and collagen for my acne, multivitamis and vitamin c. I mentioned that my skin was bad and this is my first priority to be changed. Next is my body. Question, when I workout, the next day I get ne whorn pomps, why is that? That is also the reason I dont workout. I think I should clear my internals first to have a clear skin before working out.
DAY 8 I am very active today. Did a lot of work, cleaned the house, walk my dog, workout, thesis, socialize wih my family and more. I am so active today idk why. I am very happy with my mood. NoFap effect is coming!!
DAY 0 I FUCKING RELAPSED. I need to raise my standards, It started at just stroking my d*ck very slowly, and I thougjt it was cool and not counted. Until today, I tried to masturbate but not to cum. I felt good at first and tried to hold it for like an out just stroking it. Peeked st porn but ended up on girls’ photos. When I’m about to stop... it bursted. I immediately99999% regret it. I fucked up I know. This is very hard and temptations are everywhere. If you guys know any tips to stop the temptations, please suggest it to me. I find it hard to avoid temptations.. but yeah, I got into day 9. I’ll try again, for sure, this time, I’ll nail this NPMO. SORRY SELF.
After 3 years. A lot has changed. I’m a better person now I can say. There’s this girl that changed me. She’s my turning point of becoming better and leaving my shitty self way back. She’s my awakening… I’m willing to be much much better. Im not addicted to porn anymore but I still fap from time to time. I just wanna be better man. I’m 25 already. I know now where I am going with my life. I am committed to it. I am committed to getting my life better and successful. I have a vision and everyday I am working on it. The last thing that I just need to be fully committed also is still this thing, NoFap. The issue I have years ago, the energy, the acne, the low motivation, I still have it everytime I fap but not much unlike years ago.. I guess this thing for me, is I just forget about it eventually.. until I feel this urges or so I call it horny moments. Life update today was getting better. But I won’t stop getting better. 1% each day. I have a ton shit list to do, and I am committed on doing it and achieving it all. I am kinda happy typing this now after 3 years. I can see now that “time heals almost everything”. I can see now that it’s quite true. I am thankful for everyone who I met, random strangers, closest friends, family, self awareness and especially, God. I am grateful for my life now and I can see my potential to a better life, and I am driving my road towards it day by day. Thank you NoFap community. Just remember to not give up even if you had relapsed a 1000 times. “It’s either day one or one day.” —- self awareness is one of the best things that helped me through these times. I think all NoFap people who wants to go on this journey should know, study and research about Self Awareness. It’s the holy grail, promise. Oh I missed this community and maybe spend a few more days reading, writing and helping here. It’s a nostalgic and kinda emotional feeling for me now that I checked again this forums. But I am happy now. You all should be and will be. I promise
