So there's this absolutely wounderful girl at my school, and every time I see her I think to my self "I'm going to marry that girl one day." There was once a time when she was interested in me and it absolutely breaks my heart every time I remember this. I threw it all away with my addiction. I never cry but when I think of her I do. I don't know what to do because I'm still so in love with her, but she's not remotely there. If I want her I have to be a non addicted person plus a miracle. The funny thing is, that I think the miracle is possible but not the non addict part. TBH I want to get better for her, or at least my wife who will be something like her. I'm going to keep pushing for freedom, and I always do. Happy day 2 of being clean to everyone. -JH
I've been through the exact same thing, so I know what you're going through right now. I saw this girl on Day 1 of college, and though we didn't meet each other till much later, I had the same mindset as you. Back then I was probably 10 years into my PMO addiction and it hadn't taken off as much as in the last 3 or 4 years. I decided to abstain from PMO and things started to really work out in about a years time. I began to relapse shortly after and I kind of blew it. Point is, if you look through these forums, you'll hear people saying stuff like abstaining will draw people to you and you'll be open to more opportunities, and from personal experience it is kinda true. You're just dealing with this in your way and who knows maybe things will work out. Miracles can happen. But you shouldn't want to change for someone else, even if it makes you better. You should change for YOU! You're still in school, you haven't seen a fraction of what the world has to offer. Don't set her as a standard for your future wife. You need to be more open or you're going to close yourself to a much larger pond. And I know it's hard to let go, took me almost 15 months. But time heals everything and you will come back stronger and with more determination. Keep fighting this addiction before it gets out of hand. Keep working on being the best version of yourself. Things will work out in your favor if you let it.
I promised myself I won't say something stupid after reading this like I'm sorry but I can't help it. I am so so sorry you had to go through this. It's flat off terrible. But the thing is, there's a brighter side even to the worst of things. And here the bright side is the fact that even losing your girl messed you up, it did make you take quitting your addiction seriously and you're working towards becoming a better person so you can get the life you deserve. You never know how life's gonna play out, you may get your girl or you may find someone who you're even happier with, whatever it is you'll be able to look back and see that the pain you were in is the reason you're leading a better, fuller life. You can stop. We all can. And we will. But we have to do it for ourselves.People come and go so our physical and mental health can't depend on anyone no matter how important they are, people could be a motivation, but this is our fight. Best wishes on everything and if you ever wanna talk I'm here. Never give up.
Wow that happened to me. Teenage love is what i called . Always think about that girl, image to be with that girl, try to be a better guy for her, blah, blah, that's what happened to me when i was your age too . Tbh, i still like her after 6 years, but not that teenage love anymore, i like her but i don't want to be with her, i don't wanna mess up her life . To escape from the emotional trap, you need to find something uncomfortable to experience them, so you can get out of the fantasy.
