So I'm happily married. I've struggled with pornography since I was laid off in 2018. It hadn't been a problem for three years until I was laid off. At the time, my confidence took a major hit. I am working a ton now, have been employed since August of 2018, but I continue to struggle. More often than not, it is risque photos and videos, where the woman keeps the clothes on. But the more I watch those, the easier it is to go further and look at sexually explicit videos. That happened tonight. I had been sixteen days clean and I stayed up a couple of hours too late and looked at pornography. I find I am doing the best when I am tracking my goals and keeping myself busy. I guess tonight I should have just gone to sleep but I let the urge for arousal win me over. How do you hold yourself accountable? How do you ignore that late night urge, even if it comes a lot less than it did previously?
Happily married? If I was married right now porn would be the farthest thing away from my mind. Firstly I would stop staying up late and spend more time with you're wife. Unless she works then I understand, but staying up late is a big killer. I worked third in the past and it would be lonely being up late, possibly change staying up to sleeping early or keep finding projects to keep yourself happy and satisfied. The mind always wonders off and then gets triggered easily. But Always these feelings come and go. Also I would perhaps meditate on you're Solar Plexus chakra, as the more you meditate on it the more discipline you will undergo and strength you have for yourself. If you are brave enough maybe talk to you're wife about it and see what she thinks or could help you with. It may be hard but if she really loves you she will understand you're situation, especially since you were laid off and that is a big life change. Anyways just remember that you can always start fresh and build more confidence then ever before. Don't give in.
Yeah, it should be the furthest thing from my mind. And I do tell my wife. She is aware of the struggle I've had these last eighteen months. On and off again. She doesn't hate me for it. If anything, she just wants me to do better and help me get there. I just feel like I keep letting her down. But to be clear, I am not hiding anything from her.
