I keep getting trapped by this thought process

I know how insane that sounds, but as someone battling OCD myself, I understand it so perfectly. What you are describing makes so much sense to me that is scary.

Maybe you should reframe that. Try keeping that feeling with you (the unclear conscience) as a motivation to change and never go back.

 

I've been getting off to strange stuff over the years, and I seriously considered watching the vanilla stuff to retrain my thinking. But that stuff is a turn off for me. I guess my continued streak will hopefully think of normal stuff

 

Warning: This is my opinion from my experience, but please do what works best for you.

Spoiler: Trigger Warning

What I've found is that even if you do watch vanilla P to "wash your mind" and be done with P, I've found that you actually forget the vanilla stuff and you only remember the disgusting shit, no matter what you do. You could watch 1000 vanilla videos but 1 disgusting thing from years ago will be the only thing you actually remember. I think it's just an OCD thing to "wash your mind" before you finish P.

The best way to quit P is to just quit P. Don't let the OCD try to lure you back to P, it's never worth it and it's not going to work. Just quit P now and focus on improving.