I Just Wanna Be Alive

Winter is coming. And with it, a great war follows. Something greater than even a nuclear holocaust. It is the war for my life.

Oops, I didn't mean to get that intense right off the bat. Sorry if I suprized you, but these are the terms on which I am fighting. I see this not as a game, but as a battle. The antagonist is myself.

Look, I do not enjoy the situation I am in currently. I am losing. It's really that simple. Socially, relationally, GPA wise everything. I am losing.

I have not been put in the best position to change these things. In my short life, nobody has taught me self discipline, oy that which is forced upon you by your elders. For a long time I was led to believe that this was a bad thing.

Now, as I overlook my situation, life without discipline is a very negative one indeed. Stress and anxiety run rampant as you see your peers move forward, while you seem to regress. The pain is too much for me to bare anymore. I have grown weak and feeble. I only have one option now. Success. Otherwise, I am worthless, and see no reason for continuing on.

Porn and Masturbation are my biggest burden currently. It fills the void for intimacy which I crave. Removing this will most like roll over roughly. However, if it means regaining my feelings, emotions, and drive, perhaps it is worth it to change.

Other problems I have faced include an attachment to YouTube binges, video games, and unhealthy foods. My health is fine for the moment but knowing the consequences later motivate me to change now.

I intend to drop all of these things at once. Even if I fail, I will be improving daily. I intend to see the process through to the end.

That's the gist of my story and where I am at now. I'll make a journal to log my progress. For this NoFap challenge my first goal is to reach Day 5. Today is Day 0.

The war has begun. May the odds be ever in your favor.