I just don't know what to do with myself....

I'm a 69 y.o. man although am often told I look younger, probably because I still have a good head of hair, and am physically fit and well. I'm at retirement age although without enough in my retirement fund to totally forget about money. I don't use the term 'porn addict', but I have been habituated to porn since my 20's when I first was exposed to it (remember that was back in the day before the Internet, you had to go looking for it).

I've been married for almost forty years and have remained faithful (well, except for porn use). But my sexual relationship with my spouse dried up about 15 years ago, after my loved one had had cancer surgery and had been through two caesarians. Overall we have a great relationship although she's sometimes very angry that our sex life has dried up. Sometimes I wonder if we could watch together - we tried it once, right at the beginning of our married life, and it was spectacular - but I don't want to corrupt her.

I would love never to think about sex at all, or to use porn, but I can't deny that it has deep a hold on me. But I just can't let it go - I don't see how to escape it as it's so deeply part of my psyche. I'm probably not going to keep this account, because logging on here and reading about it just fuels the flames.

 

Definitely a factor, but not the only one. But I acknowledge that the damage had already been done, in that through my exposure to pornography, I had become habituated to the kind of sexual excitement you find in porn, rather than experiencing sexual contact as an expression of intimacy and love. When we were young I found my partner an exciting sexual partner but after she went through surgery I could no longer feel that way. So what you're saying is true, but I'm a long way from being able to do anything about it.