I have ruined my marriage.

Dude, why reach out to your ex if you already have an incredible wife? Why bro?

 

Theres nothing i could possibly say to make u feel better on anything. Other than that the least we can all do is appreciate you sharing your story, and that there are other people with the same problem, including myself, you've opened my eyes and I'm sure to others, we can all learn from your story, I hope your wife gives you one last chance good sir.

 

Life is long and possibilities are endless.

I know exactly why you did this, it's the beast that lives within all of us. Some beasts are more ravenous than others and it looks like you've got a hungry one. Every time you feed it by indulging in your sexual fantasies, it gets more of a grip on your life. You're then force to live 2 lives, the "normal" life that your beast despises and the beast life that gains control and makes you do things you can't believe or understand.

You need to stop feeding the beast -- forever. You need to control it. This is going to take a long time, but the stakes are so high it's worth it.

Start there and let the rest happen. Your wife may leave you, and that's her right. Your children may be disappointed in you, that's terrible.

But this is all now and it can change in the future.

Tame the beast, get back on your feet and re-establish relationships that have been ruined in a healthy way. You may be able to have another shot with your wife, or you may not. But you'll be a healthier person who is more in control of their life either way, and that will lead to better things.

You won't believe me when I say that you could come out the other side of this stronger than you've ever been. But it's true. You'll be a hero that has overcome an addiction -- one of the hardest and most admirable accomplishments one can achieve.

Life is long and possibilities are endless.

 

I pray that you get control of your life back and the relationship with your wife does not get ruined. May Allah guide you to the right path.

 

This may be one of the most painful lessons you ever learn and I hope you can one day move forward from it and rebuild your life.

 

hey man,

u said "i believe it’s feelings of inadequacy" and ure not really certain what is the motivation behind your actions. According to general psychology theory, our identity is created during early childhood and what we 'learn' (see n listen to) stays in your unconscious mind and guides/leads your thoughts in the background of your mind. Hard to decipher the motive for some of our actions when the true reason is slinking in the background and hidden deep with the mind. Some painful memories we try to consciously forget, so they slide even further into the recesses of the mind.

My amateur quasi-therapist opinion is that it could be a compromised value system within you that leads to possibly self-sabotage behaviour (could easily have been alcohol, drugs or some other destructive action that you chose). Maybe consider getting a therapist that you are comfy with and explore your inner emotional world. That might give u a deeper understanding of yourself (since a fair bit of our choices are emotion based but we choose to logicalize them so we sound more practical and adult-like) and reasons for your choices in life.

She may not want to speak to you but i hope you can tell her what you told us - that you yourself don't know why you did things, you don't wanna go on like that, you dont want to be that person hurting the ones you love, to forgive you and give you time to find yourself (cliche but true) so that you can live with dignity and treat her the right way . Imho, i think it'll be good to go on the journey to discover your emotional self.