I have a great wife and 2 kids

I have always had a high sex drive and I just LOVE women. I've been married for 14 years to my best friend and we have 2 great kids together. Unfortunately, I am no longer attracted to my wife (she has let herself go and is about 40 lbs overweight) and I have been turning to porn to satisfy my urges. I feel very ashamed for my behaviors. I have had many discussions over the years with my wife and she knows how important I feel about keeping oneself in shape and healthy. She is 43 and I am 45 and I will work out at the gym and watch my diet on a regular basis but she refuses. She says she will start but year after year is the same talk but no action. We no longer have sex because she knows I am no longer physically attracted to her so she has lost all desire and I secretly turn to porn. I have no desire to break up my marriage and family so I have decided to join the NoFap community before my sex addiction gets out of control. Thank you for reading.

 

You may be in danger of getting caught in a no-win situation. You're no longer attracted, so you turn to porn, which in turn decreases attraction, etc. Quitting porn may be the first step to getting your marriage back on track! Do you feel like you resent your wife for putting on weight, or do you blame her for causing you to turn to porn?

 

Thank you for responding. I know the porn is not helping so I am going to PMO starting today. I do resent my wife for not taking care of herself and there is nothing I can do about it. I have tried, but she ultimately must make the choice to change her lifestyle. I don't blame her for myself turning to porn, that is my own issue. I don't expect my wife to look like a porn star. I'm just not attracted to overweight women and I still have a strong sex drive. I do feel stuck. Do you think the PMO will help?

 

I think NO PMO will help, but I think that's what you probably meant. Here on nofap.com, PMO = porn -->masturbation-->orgasm. I think abstaining from porn and fantasizing about porn can absolutely help you in the long run. You may eventually need to discuss your lack of attraction to your wife, and help her understand how it's affecting you, but turning to porn will never be the right approach if you want to keep a healthy attitude about sex.

 

Thank you.
Well, I am planning on keeping my mind occupied on other things such as reading and posting on NoFap daily. I lead a pretty busy life and I suffer from anxiety that I currently take medication for. I do have good discipline for the most part in terms of leading a healthy lifestyle but I have neglected my unhealthy sex disorder. I am ready now to take this on.

 

Thanks!

 

Hypothetical question....As I mentioned in my first post, besides suffering from PMO/unhealthy sexual behavior, I am happily married besides the fact I am no longer attracted to my wife due to her weight. After many years of having conversations about her weight, she knows I am no longer physically attracted to her so she no longer has any desire for sex.
Besides my unhealthy sexual behavior, I do work out on a regular basis and eat relatively healthy. I hope and prey my wife will eventually start the same but she must make that decision on her own.
So here is my question: When I completele my 90 day reboot and if my wife has not changed her lifestyle what do I do? My plan is not to PMO EVER again, I will not end my marriage and break up my family so how will I relieve my sexual urges.... visiting massage parlors or prostitutes is not an option.
Any advice out there?

 

Thanks for the reply Monster. You are correct, I believe those would be my only 2 options, unless I want to continue with unhealthy sexual behavior as I do not.

 

Wow! Thank you D.J. and "I wanna get better" for helping me see this issue with a whole other perspective outside my own little world.
Sorry to hear about your mom D.J. I can't imagine how difficult that must have been for you......
The way I have been looking at this is that my wife did not think I was reason enough to get back into a healthy lifestyle and therefore, I felt somewhat rejected. I then developed a sense of resentment towards her for not taking care of herself.
Your posts have really opened up my eyes and I will continue my no PMO/unhealthy sexual journey. I will also start showing my wife more of the respect and honor she deserves.