I hate myself

Hi, today was the bad day, it's been since Sunday, I had pocd, when I had an erection while looking at a comment, I had to do something repeatedly without having an erection, I did it a few times and I still had an erection, so I'd better do that later, then I saw a thumbnail of a yellow dog (I don't want to say it because I'm nervous to say that but his first words were A And the end were G) of this video, I saw it and closed it, since then I've seen him doing repeated things without having an erection, since then I've had one erection to a thumbnail of a video, I stood up without having my erection and not even touching my parts but I still had an erection, my mind got worried that I wouldn't do it but for the idiot that I am, I had to do it and the truth is I don't know why to do it , more likely pocd or my brain fog but i still regret doing it because i ignored my mind and for the idiot i had to do it, since then after you did that, my pocd you say i shouldn't use computer in 4 weeks because i did it repeated thing ignore them to my mind I was worried, I had to do that without using a computer and I only used my cell phone, but today, I had to use my computer because I wanted to play the game and I also felt bored, I will regret using it and now I consider myself a monster because of failure for not using a computer in 4 weeks. The decision I made was worse, I didn't want to do that kind of thing, I just wanted to have a normal day after I quit masturbating, I hate myself, I hate my brain fog and I hate my pocd.

Sorry for the shitty english im not native american and also i had to use google translate.