I guarantee there is a hope.

Hello guys it's day 16 for me , i had 140 streak max before but after that i went back so deep and that's because i didn't stick to God and to a well defined plan that i can follow , i lost my determination that's why i back again .

When i relapsed it didn't start with porn but through a large cycle i describe it :
1- Watched a beautiful woman face .
2- let my mind imagine how sexy she is .
3- Next day i did that again but watched full body with clothes.
4- Then !! that's not enough so justification cycle began .
5- Let's masturbate only . ( handling ideas).
6- What about listening to hot female voice so i can feel pleasure .
7- Oh voice only cannot satisfy me what about watching hot ladies dance NOT PORN.
8- Next day oh my brain really needs to watch girls again what about more hotter videos.
9-OMG those videos cannot satisfy me what about sex chat ? NOT PORN yeah .
10- Oh i can't sustain i feel like i am torturing my brain .
11- Let's see some short hot videos , then short porn videos , then long one .
12- Done . Oh my streak ? my 140 streak gone !
13- I am loser i am failure , i don't deserve to live .
14- So as i am shitty person let's watch again and again and again then feel worse so immerse that shitty feeling and pain in more porn and more .

So everything is done and i am addicted again , i really lost hope in everything i wanted to die .

Devil only want to give you a bad feeling that you cannot stop this addiction you are his slave and it's done , live for me forever or commit suicide , his plan is to show you that there is no hope on porn addiction , Please don't listen to SATAN he is Father of liers.

But i didn't surrender for long because i really hated this life , i hated being an addict , i need to be alive again. and now i am on day 16 .

What is different this time is that i feel that i am no longer 2 persons i am only one who want to improve his life , and that's awesome feeling that gives you hope , i feel urges everyday but now i am moving toward improving my character not only fighting with porn and complain for my urges.

THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE.